THAT was necessary

Monday, July 27, 2009
Current mood: complacent

What is single? I'm confused. Because if you are dating around then you are "seeing each other" but then if you are going out with just one person then you are "dating"? Okay then single is being on your own and not showing serious interest in any specific person. Right? Okay well then I'm single. Don't want to go on dates. I will go to parties but only if I'm with a friend or I'm rollin Solo within multiple other people. Okay, so what does it mean when you are dating people? It means you are single BUT looking to change it for the right person. Am I correct on THAT one? Okay let's assume I am because I'm awesome and I like being right. If you say you are single and you say you do NOT want a relationship at the moment, so you keep certain people at a distance then what does it mean when you allow yourself to date others? It means you have yet to find that special someone that convinces you to be anything other than independently unavailable. Therefore, you are shopping, or as I like to say...interviewing people to fill the position. HA I'll give you a few positions! Just kidding, that was necessary lol.



I feel I'm at a Single woman point where I want something more but have been convinced that it would be bad for me. I'm a Libra. Love IS the answer to almost every question I may have. When I put my heart into something, I put my WHOLE heart into it and I don't give up on things that I have a passion for. This is how I got through school and I'm still succeeding as I proceed to challenge myself to a higher level and respect. It has nothing to do with being lonely...I have friends that fill that void. It has to do with...well...security. Okay, let me explain. Right now, I have the best friend syndrome. It's fantastical in every way. In fact, we have everything in a friendship that would constitute a relationship without the jealousy factor. But okay, that's what's wrong with relationships these days. Jealousy shouldn't BE a factor. If you are honest and don't rush into things before trust is established, then there shouldn't be jealousy. There should be a constant feeling of comfort in the fact that someone loves you and you KNOW that they would never hurt you in that way. Unfortunately the sanctity of relationships has been lost in these times where divorce is up, cheating is common, and a happy couple is almost an extinct concept. Sad...yet true. Where am I going with this you ask?



Maybe a little jealousy borders flattery. When I have guys staring me down as I walk through the mall, it's nice to have my man look at me and smile and kiss me or grab my hand or put his arm around me. Whether it be pride that I'm his to hold and keep and he knows who i'm goin home with or maybe it's insecurity...either way, I think it feels good and I find it rather flattering. But if he turns around and goes up to them and talks crap or if he looks at me with that...."you just wait till we get home cuz we're gonna get a few things straight"...look, then well count me out. I don't want to be accused of things I don't do just because I offer someone a drink. Yeah. Ha. Obviously there's no trust there whatsoever. Why can't we get to know each other in a way that when the emotion is thrown in, then there is such a bond that we don't have to worry about that whole, where are you, who are you with, why aren't you here, you left 10 minutes ago bull? Wouldn't it be much more of a laid back and happy lifestyle to be able to call and say whatcha doin love? And get a response like, "Oh nothin, just hangin out, wanna come too"? Instead of, "Good Lord, I just left home and you're already checkin in? I FEEL SO TRAPPED"! Miserable. Awful way to spend life. Especially with someone you once thought was worth spending EVERY waking moment with if need be.



MY downfall is that I am understanding and guys seem to find that very attractive. Gives them space and at the same time, there is a feeling of comfort that when they are done runnin a muck, I'll be doin my thing smiling and keepin the "car cool" HA...okay seriously though...it sometimes hurts me in the end though because it is taken advantage of. Then my understanding and coping with different levels of "freedom" gets me cheated on or played. Yeah, I know. But it's true. I didn't used to be that way because I was insecure. Now, I don't care if my man wants to go off and be with some other chick...but tell me before you go cuz I'd like to walk out of this easily while you're gone. I think I am worth more than I used to be. In my state of mind I believe I deserve it all when it comes to relationships...which is why I'm not in one. I gotta first wait for someone to decide that I am worth giving what they have to. Time will come. Till then, I got my friends :)



We gotta stop rushing into things and give ourselves credit that even though we may be starting new...it'll be worth it when we find that person and they decide that they feel as if they can't live without us. All we have is time, and there is never enough of it, but fortunately it keeps coming.