Saturday, July 25, 2009
Current mood: aroused
What's up? What's up? My house still is a mess but believe it or not, I did a lot today. I woke up at 6:30 which is wierd because I went to sleep around 2am. Eh...anywho I stayed up in case I needed to be a designated driver but my sister staggered in around 1:30 and she had gotten a ride and my friend apparently didn't need me considering he never even made it to the bar lol. Big win at the game. Celebration was a must. I don't go for apparent reasons, but I like watching baseball and softball in person. Not SO much on screen but you get the picture. I DO love me some consession stand. OH and sunflower seeds. But I eat too much and then my cheek suffers the consequences. I hate it when your mouth is raw. Then living in NM is like torture with all of the wonderfully spicy foods :)
So I did something that I never do. I went to go get a look at someone because I keep hearing so much about them and when I finally did, I realized...Aaaawwww MAN I know this person. You know what's worst, I really wanted to see a face that was not nice to me or something but no such luck lol. She wasn't buddy buddy with me but she was a pretty cool person to me. Now, I've seen her be NOT cool with people but that didn't change my oppinion of her as a person towards me. It's awful to say but I really wanted to see a face that was easy to look at and go...Yep, she's a bitch. lol. Oh well All is fair in love and war UNLESS they are intertwined. Then, might as well just let it go and say it was good while it lasted and thanks for the memories but I just can't be happy with you and you seem pretty freakin miserable with me too. Let's just end this now...NAH, never mind let's fight about it and drag this misery out for a few more years and see how heated we can really get these tiffs to last :) sounds like fun. OOOoooo DRAMA Let's Get POPCORN!
My fortune in my cookie from the Thai Bamboo place said, "Use your abilities at this time to focus on your goal. You will succeed." WHICH is SO much BETTER than the last one I got cuz you know how the game is that we put "in Bed" after you read the fortune? Well, my last fortune had to end with "Keep your chin up" and everyone thought that was hilarious. Unfortunately I was with my uncles and my boyfriend at the time was sitting right next to me. I must have turned 3 shades of red. Today I was with my cousin and she and I have always been pretty close. In fact her brother and I are also and her parents are like my second parents. MAN I love those cats. Anyways, as I was saying about lunch with my cousin...I keep thinking about those words on the fortune and it actually makes sense in my life right now. I'm sure it can be interpreted in 100 different ways, but I needed to trail off into that exact train of thought today. I felt lost this morning. Empty when I woke up. Not exactly lonely but yearning for someone or something to comfort me and yet I was alone. Another thing was that everyone I am close to went out last night and I woke up at like 6:30am so I KNEW if I woke someone up they were gonna be miserably hung over and not feel up to talking. So I lay in bed and just let my thoughts run wild until the room felt like it was spinning. Staring up at the ceiling until finally I sat up and shook it off and slowly pulled my head out of my hands and started my day. Sometimes I let it get to me but like the fortune read into my life...I need to focus on my goal. Of bettering and succeeding so that I may be more comfortable in myself and know I'm taken care of even if somehow I end up alone for a long time or forever..whatever.I need to be single for a while and slow myself down. But sometimes it's hard cuz I'm 23 and don't want to experience things alone. I wanna share it with someone who likes bein around me as much as I like bein around them. Interesting concept in these times of breakups and divorces huh? Yeah I know but let's just call me old fashioned :)
But I want to be loved. My friends love me and it's a FANTASTIC substitute for now...but I am WOMAN I am human and I do want monogamous relationship...yeah I said the "r" word.....with someone. I don't even need to find all of the pieces of my heart as long as he has some pieces too, I bet we can make one hell of a love out of the pieces if we put them together. Eeeararar...kay backing up I just want to clarify that I said that could happen with ANYONE. God I wish someone wanted that tho. Sure would make it easier on me than having to look and start over again from scratch. "So...how old are ya? Are you from here? What's your name? Are we related? lol Have we met before? Do you Want Kids someday? Do you HAVE kids already? Do you have a girlfriend? Wife? EXwife? Are you into anything interesting? What do you do for a living?" If I haven't struck out by then...Now I have to answer the questions and then give excuses as to why I can't just go home with them cuz I'm not that type of person. OH man I don't want to start over AAAAhhhh I'm gonna go crazy!
Okay and we're back to smiles and giggles. Cuz I'm just happy and content with myslf and my disposition hehe. :) Livin Lovin Life! KNOW WHY? Cuz right now, I AM single and you're gonna have to be PRETTY awesome to change that. pssshhhh
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