Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Current mood: frisky
These words. Oh okay I see now what happened. I got three texts and phone calls from guy friends worried yesterday about my blog. Haha. Okay so some of it may have bordered on speaking of me...but I do speak in random references in order for my friends' stories to be on here without anyone knowing that it's not me. I gotta say tho, alot of my stuff is just thoughts that I gotta get out before I explode. Emotions are like water, we drink it because we know we need it to quench that feeling, but in the end, even if we don't like it, it is INCORPORATED into everything whether we like it or not. Guess I should watch myself a lil bit closer so as to NOT freak out my friends...considering majority of them are guys. I was worried when my new best friend wrote me and was kinda iffy, but then 2 more came rollin in later and THAT was funnly. This chick is single even though sometimes I wish I wasn't. Like late at night when I wake up hearing noises and I want to roll over and say, "Hey, will you go check it out please?" or I get cold and want to pull myself into the arms of someone who cares...but then Junior puts off a ton of heat and my blanket is frikin awesome. :) I can do without. And friends can keep ya company and remind you or well, that's how it is for me, that being unattached can be fun and IS fun.
I have friends who like to bounce from one relatioship to another. Which, in turn, ends up hurting everyone a lil bit. You cheat yourself out of emotion because technically, someone can fall for you after the relatioship is physical or drunken madness I suppose; However, knowing that the person you're with cares for you in ANY way is a pretty garsh darn good feelin'. Sex is nice, obviously its not somethin we discuss in public and outright wherever we please...unless you're me or my friends who have decided that sex is bound to happen to everyone so why not? Haha. Anyway...sex is nice, but in the end having a bond with someone who you feel comfortable bein around is much more fulfilling in the end. Then if the other stuff happens, it happens and Yay for everyone.
Got to kick it with my lil brother, which towers over me now lol. I'm 6 ft tall, he's freakin TALL man. But he rocks it cuz he's cool like that lol. We spent hours looking up random music and once again realizing that he and I are a lot alike when it comes to our favorite sounds. Not artists per-say, but definately the types of music. I am SO glad he and his friends stopped in and crashed out here so that I could spend some time with him. I miss him. He's got to have one of the coolest personalities of anyone I know because when it comes to drama, he stays out of it as much as possible and if it isn't his drama then he feels it is no concern to him. Hense, he is my ex's biological brother not mine, but he pays no mind to that sort of thing. He IS my brother and always will be no matter how much my ex may hate me (God rest his soul). lol. Sorry, I mentioned before, he's dead to me until a proper appology or explanation is at hand. It won't be me diggin for it. OKAY enough I don't talk about him anymore. So anyways, aside from the fact that I didn't get my house completely finished cleaned...it sure felt good to see his smiling random happy face aound.
I suppose I will NOT get to be seeing my nieces. My sister's recent divorce has tossled up quite a stir in my life. Not that it matters whether or not they are together but court stuff has gotten them at each other's throats and now my nephew is in the middle and his daughters have been told they are not to see us. It sucks cuz that's my family. We made them family and around here, family never cuts ties. They ARE my nieces and I love them and I wish I could see them for a day or so just to let them know that. Unfortunately, doesn't look promising. I'll be the one smiling because the tears are all fallen already. I can't sit and dwell on it, but it sure does hurt my heart and my soul a little bit. Okay, a lotta bit. It's put my mind in a weird place the last few days with some other bad news I recieved...but I'm not ready to talk about that yet.
I just wish we could all be adults and get along so that the kids don't suffer in the end. I live for these kidsand when I see them hurt, and I can't do anything about it, it kills me. So if my emotions seem bolder and much more apparent in the next few days or in the past few days I appologize. I try to smile and laugh and crack jokes as much as possible to keep myself positive, but every now and again, the flood gates open and whatever emotion I happen to be having at that particular moment...comes out WAY too strong. Maybe this is why the blog yesterday had such a reaction in other people's minds. Its kay people, put it in your mouth and chew it...swish it around, Taaaaste! They are mere words and never meant to make you hurt or feel attacked in any way. Just feelings spilling out onto a keyboard since ink runs on paper. Catch my drift!? LOVE YOU ALL hope you have a wonderful day and just so ya know...life is still wondermous!
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