Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Current mood: thoughtful
The meaning of life...scary concept. Why are we here, what is our purpose? I know what it is. I know the answer. Everyone is here doing the SAME THING, we may not get to it by following the same particular path, but we are ALL just trying to find happiness. Some of us go to school to feel accomplished, or in my case, to get a high paying job with good group insurance so I can afford my medication. Some of us seek Love and Devotion in another, but still only to share that happiness that we have found so that we don't feel lonely. Some like to be alone and have space leaving that person to fullfill their life with work or cats or something lol. Whatever your niche may be, we are still all working toward the same goal. Reaching for that same star. To be content in ourselves. Proud to look in the mirror or the pride to simply wake up in the morning and say, you know what...I'm worth it. We ALL ARE. I used to think I needed someone to validate me. I do not. I have myself, my family, friends, and even people I've just met. When they find out what I do, they tell me how cool it is and give me props for doing it. If you feel you need validation...you got it here, "YOU ARE WORTH IT".
Took me a long time to figure that out but it goes hand in hand with finding yourself. Anotherwords, being alone. If you want to find yourself, you are not feeling like you have the type of support you needed. Those words come out of insecure people's mouths. I have been one of them...I know. I need to find myself (be alone for a while to figure out if you're what I want or not). Sorry, truth hurts sometimes. When you do get that security and are able to look in the mirror and say Damn, I feel good today...I'm not doing so badly. Look at what I am accomplishing or have already accomplished...that's when you look for that person to share it with. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a commitment. So, am I insecure...YES absolutely, but at least I know it and recognize it. Okay, but let's say i don't have issues (hahaha) sorry, okay no seriously, let's say I don't. I know now I have to set my morals in stone, believe what I want and stick to that belief no matter how much crap is served to me, know that I'm worth fighting for, and know exactly what makes me tick. What makes me happy. THEN I throw it all out there for people to see. When I find someone that understands that I am who I am. Then I will settle. Don't get me wrong...they don't have to have the same morals, beliefs, ideals, HOWEVER, they MUST accept mine and be comfortable enough with them to leave them alone and not try to CHANGE them. Everyone is entitled to their own oppinion. And don't argue with mine. It can't be wrong and it will never be wrong because it's an OPPINION! Not a fact but my own idea of the way things should be or are. It's kinda like self-esteem. I can't blame you for self-esteem issues because that's how I feel about MYSELF...that's not your issue. It's mine. You can't change the way I feel about ME. That's silly.
The hard part now, is being set in my ways and love myself enough to not try to change theirs if we decide to agree to dissagree if you know what I mean...Wow, that was deep.
On a lighter note, my sister and I are getting along great now and she's trying her best to get her life up and runnin. My nephew...my life...is LOVING the new place she just got (he calls his room the Bat Cave) due to the Batman stuff... and today I got her a moving-in gift to celebrate new beginnings. It's a sign for her door that says "Bless This HOME With Laughter and Love" She immediately stuck it on her front door and she knew what I was intending the meaning to be. I've been in her shoes before...new beginnings are tough, but together we will all prosper as we stick to our own path, yet leave room for others to join. Don't be selfish, it will only segregate you from life and those who love you. Just remember, if you want to join my path, you are more than welcome but it tends to wind and dip in the strangest ways...oh and circles are inevitable. Just be ready to hold on tight...It is certainly a ride of my lifetime.
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