Becoming Bait isn't So Bad

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Current mood: blissful

I woke very early this morning with a massive headache from the surgery. No biggie, took some tylenol and got over it, but by the time it kicked in, my man's alarm was goin off and he was rustling around the room as if I wasn't even there. Of course the poor man had no idea that I was up all night putting drops in my ears, taking medications, and having horrible nightmares (which is normal when I am on pain medication of any kind). Took me a long time to figure that one out. Terrifying thought when you realize how many times in my life I've been prescribed pain meds for my surgeries and weird medical issues. Oh well, they only frighten me until i wake up. The only time it was scary for me otherwise was while I was completely alone. In fact, that may have been the nightmare itself. To be alone. The worst nightmare you could ever have, is the one that you cannot wake up from because it IS your life. Scary concept. Okay, now stop, catch your breathe, don't let your emotions or your feelings frighten you...breath. Just don't forget to start again. I will guarantee you that your worst fears...the ones you hide deep inside you but never admit to those who it may matter to most...are the ones that can't actually hurt you.



Being alone has never hurt me. In fact, it most likely helped me to grow in the end. And is it the end? NO WAY! I'm just gettin started. I started a new life not too long ago. Never to forget my past but ready and willing to start a future with someone else and put myself out there like bait on a hook. Try not to invision a worm dangling on a hook dead and lifeless or squirming in pain and agony...I spent way too many man hours fixing myself up and primping to look my best just in case I ran into him at the store or he might call me and ask me to come over...(gotta look like a 10 when you're single)...but okay, bait, you're imagining bait. Think more of those lures that sparkle and gleam as they glide gracefully through the water, colors seemingly bursting from all angles as it mesmorizes all who catch it's tantilizing finess. The sun shining beautifully as it flies through the air, water dripping off of it in streams almost like it had a desire to stay with it, wanting so badly to fly with it on it's journey into the blue water, and having such hope of catching something big, something worth while. Something that would not have to be thrown back. Serving its' purpose in life...to be happy and be useful and appreciated. Unlike the others much like it, but too weak to make it through the reeds when drug along the bottom of the sparkling water...in the muck. Only the best can hold on and stand to be thrown back out there again and again until that worthy fish is found. Guess what...I think I found my fish :)



Isn't that much more interesting when describing the "bait" that we claim to be? Maybe you'll be more interested in the person who calls you a "catch" next time. Or when someone says, "Don't worry, there are plenty more fish in the sea". Maybe it isn't so bad being the bait. We are too quick to judge words thrown at us. Thinking as if they are daggers. Maybe they are nothing more than an egg being tossed gently. No harm intended. In fact, when you think about it...it is YOU who determines whether or not the egg will end up all over you, or gently nestled in your hands when it comes to a rest. The determination of the thrower has no control if your catch is soft and thoughtful. YOU have control. The reciever is actually in control because no matter how hard or determined the thrower may be, if you just allow yourself to adjust to the pitch, you can save yourself from a mess of egg. Question is, are you more willing to move yourself and adjust YOU or just more willing to clean up the mess when the fragile egg hits you without compensation?