Another day, another blogger?

I have no idea how people go through life without the enjoyment of their company. I know I love the people I surround myself with and when I can't have them here, well there's always computers and myspace and facebook and phone sex. (Hahaha JUST KIDDNG). But no matter what is presented to me I have people who can help me through it. You're thinking...Wow there has to be a situation she can't talk her way out of...well not really (or at least I have yet to find one). Let's look at those especially annoying times when you really feel alone...

• Your car suddenly starts puttering and you realize you just ran out of gas

Well, I have done this a few times and it has always been family to the rescue. My cousin came from out of San Jon when I was in high school. My great uncle another time. And then one of my favorite uncles came to the rescue not too long ago when I was careless enough to think that it had just gotten to E so...I was okay to get to the next gas station.

• Your car breaks down in the middle of a busy street and your clutch goes out
  
  Crazy enough one of my friends is a mechanic and helped me to "bleed the line" for my BREAK fluid that keeps my CLUTCH working...yes what a mess.

• I am having a rough day and can't seem to get out of it
  
  I have TONS of friends that perk me up each and EVERY day that I need it because they have the personalities to do it. They are all amazing and wonderful gotta love em (even the ones I don't always claim to be my "friends" but more "aquaintances".
• My dog is sick and I'm scared
  
  No worries. Well most of the time I have a wonderful cousin that can help me out untill the sickness worstens and there's nothing we can do about it.

I could go on forever but I can't keep my eyes open so I guess the jist of this one is THANKS for bein there and you guys ROCK! I know I have real true friends aside from all the people out there that dislike me for no reason...but they wouldn't be reading this so I LOVE YOU for sure! lol

 

Water FUN for 5th b-day & MY new project

Monday, June 07, 2010

Current mood: distractable

I can't find enough time to sleep lol. Okay, so I've spent the last few days playing in the water like a fool at my nephew's birthday party, pouring tear free soap all over the slip and slide (not till after I tried it out and completely stuck to it...not much slipping or sliding actually) so yes, I spread soap all over it and then began to watch the kids try it out. Wouldn't have been near as entertaining if they had tried it before the soap cuz they were bustin ass all over the place. Pretty awesome. Some seemed too young to get the concept of run and slide so I was pulling them by their arms till one of the dads got up and ran over (launching them from one end to the other by sliding them.) it was crazy but paid off considering it was 109 degrees here in New Mexico and I was wet from head to toe with soap and water. I was under the weight limit of the air-up water slide/pool they had bought but decided with the kids on it too, it probably wouldn't have been able to hold all of us together so we left that one to them. (Could have dawned on me to take my jeans off first, or wear shorts but it worked out for the best I suppose keeping me damp all day ;). My bathing suit top was nice enough cuz it would dry quickly. Good Day. Happy 5th B-Day to my nephew. (And the Dinosaur themed party went over with a splash!)



I always wanted to have a house that I could fix up and call my own. One that was solid in foundation and could handle some work to spice it up. Well, I've got it. :) We will be starting to buy this place and my father has decided to help us work on it. In fact, he used to be a blueprint maker. So I'm excited. (Like the huge closet I need) I'm living off of hang up racks, (The redone laundry room) right now it's in my gigantic kitchen, and even the bedroom (making it more accessible.) Oh I just butchered that word. Oh well. I am so excited to see things starting to come around. I think things will be getting done a lot quicker too...like laundry...if I actually had a place for all my clothes :)



Sorry nothing exciting today, just a lot on my mind. Gotta run all. TTYS! ! ! :)

Screw misery...Misery can kiss my butt

Friday, June 04, 2010

Current mood: confident

We all know that misery loves company. But so do I and that does NOT mean that there are always people around me. Maybe no one wants to hang with misery and it needs to be left alone for a while and taught a lesson on how to treat people. C'mon people, if you're miserable...make yourself up, dress nice (for your own pros), and go do something that will make you more content. There is NO reason for you to call up a friend or medle in other's business in order to make someone else understand what you're going thru. If I know anything...and I do know SOME lol...I know that those people will have their ups and downs on their own. There's no need to drag them down with you. Let them be there to listen to you and talk to you about your problems...then stop...let it go and enjoy the company you're in for now. This way when THEY are down and out and you feel like they're raining on YOUR freaking parade, you can lend them back the umbrella you let them borrow. Or F*%$ the umbrella. The piece of cardboard or wood cuz it's all they had at hand when the sky started falling throwing softball sized hail at you. YEAH...ever take a chance thinking you were doing the right thing for you and in the middle of it you think...DAMN this was a really bad idea? Yeah I've had a few of those...too many probably lol. I'm guessing that the rule of thumb according to my cousin and I that I have mentioned in the past following steps 1-RUN 2-Poke it with a stick 3-Run like hell...this doesn't apply in fights with boyfriends, girlfriends, unfaithful significant others, fiances, wives, husbands, backstabbing bitches...lol okay went too far. That one slipped out lol. I appologize. But for real. In MOST cases licking won't help...no wait maybe it would...well definitely won't help to poke them with a stick...well unless it's a guy and the chick is ...okay well I guess it does apply after all lmfao. hahaha. KUDOS to myself and my cousin for finding the ultimate solution to all problems. HEY I challenge you...what situation will this not work in? I bet I can find a way. lol



So we're fixing to go to this awesome place called Windover. You can look it up on the net. We're going on THEIR personal flight, stay in THEIR hotel, and gamble ALL DAY AND NIGHT...and we only pay the original fee, food and for gambling that is not covered by the VIP cards we'll have around our necks constantly giving perks as we gamble away the money we are taking to have fun with. Wanna know the kicker? MY MAN is AWESOME and has been working his fine booty off working 2 jobs and I'be been workin, savin money and picked up another job so that we CAN afford to splurge a bit. WOW this is so nice. Sittin on an egg...feels like it is gonna hatch soon...but we won't be countin change from the couch :) like I know most of us have. Well...I have been there before, it's not fun but keep your heads up and good things will come. You gotta have your head up tho or those opportunities will pass by you while you watch someone else catch that ride when you shoulda been on it.



SMILE...it helps

Talk up your coworkers...it will eventually pay off to befriend them

Don't pick sides...you are much more likely to be trusted and relied upon if you stay neutral, unless it has to do with family or CLOSE people (always back up family)

Volunteer...they'll remember it next time and pass over the others and just ask you

Hold your head high...confident people are portrayed as more reliable

Never sell yourself out...ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS put YOU first...don't worry EVERYONE ELSE should too and has this chance so it's not selfish. Don't sell out others...Just make sure you aren't left in the dark.

Feelin Like a Million

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Current mood: awake

Today I woke up real late. lol. No, just kidding...that's the sick or old me. I woke up at 10. Happy as can be. I know this is because I have been getting healthy. I'm starting to kick all of those nasty stomach sicknesses and the infections and all that. I just needed a nonstressful environment and someone to support me when I AM feeling sick and let me sleep, help me to feel comfortable, and understand what I need when I am needing it. Who do I thank for bringing this man into my life? Well whoever it is, expect a big check someday when I win the lottery :). Cuz this is becoming the best I've felt in years. I've got some blogs saved up and need to get them on here, which i will later but first, i gotta smash out some laundry, wash some dishes and vaccuum the entire house. I'm ready to be so fresh and so clean! So watch out people. We're movin on up...again :) OH! I gotta run, Andy is mowin the lawn and I gotta go make sure he doesn't kill himself...or that the dumb dogs stay out the way :) HAVE A GREAT ONE!...



TO BE CONTINUED!...

Sign my Day

Friday, April 23, 2010

Current mood: blessed

MySpace Word Generators

It says bilingual babe. lol. Took me a while of looking for icons to run into this generator. Nice! I guess I spent my day interpreting Sign Language and the language is absolutely fantastic and beautiful. I love Sign Language...and the people I meet each day who appreciate what I do. Just Wow. How many languages translate through glass? Yeah, pretty cool if you ask me. And how many languages give you the opportunity to talk even when someone else is speaking without interrupting them? This is an amazing language and it is my life outside of my loved ones of course. :)

The Easy WAY OUT

Monday, April 19, 2010


I was listening to the television while I was writing and it was on something on the food channel (cuz that's what I watch) WAIT! UUUUrrrch. Don't be fooled. I can't cook. I just LOVE food and the food channel is full of wonderful challenges where people use interesting ingredients and compete to make the most interesting and flavorlicious dishes. It's fantastic fun and every now and again I pick up on something they make and play with the idea myself. (ANYWAYS) So I'm listening to something and the judges proclaimed that someone took the "easy way out" by making something simple. My mind went wild. I don't even know what they were making or anthing but I was stuck on this phrase.



Riddle me this...WHO wouldn't take the easy way out if it were an option? I don't remember the last time I looked at something and thought "Screw this, I really want to take the hard way out." I just won't get the full effect if I go the easy way. That's retarded! We think okay let's do this as efficiently and quickly. It has nothing to do with being difficult. Some things just take more time.

GO play IN THE HIGHWAY lol

Monday, April 19, 2010

Current mood: breezy

Do you ever feel like you just can't get on the right track? I have felt this way plenty of times but deep down I know that if I were completely lost, I wouldn't know anyone. Somehow, even if I'd rather roll around in hot sauce than to see someone I know, I do believe that I could travel in any direction and never be completely lost. I try over and over to grow within myself and become a better person, but I will never reach my own potential. At least, I hope I don't. See, even the smartest person has room to learn something new. And you may be right on track, but be careful cuz...well...even if you're on the right track, you'll eventually get run over if you sit in the middle of it. We gotta keep rollin and keep allowing ourselves to grow. (That reminds me of when I was little and my mom and dad would say, "Go play in the highway, or go fly a kite in the road". See, I lived on a 4 lane highway. Route 66 baby. :) and well, it was rare to see slow traffic, if any, and they meant it. We would play in the highway. But we also knew that even though our town was a sad depiction of the movie, "Cars", hahaha...we knew that we still had to watch for traffic every now and again.) I guess I'm gonna end on that note cuz well, It's time to run, if you catch my drift. I'll be goin down this road that I found myself on. It's actually on the map and it's the right road for once. My man is gonna be home soon and I'm excitedly awaiting his arrival :) Have a great one.

Becoming Bait isn't So Bad

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Current mood: blissful

I woke very early this morning with a massive headache from the surgery. No biggie, took some tylenol and got over it, but by the time it kicked in, my man's alarm was goin off and he was rustling around the room as if I wasn't even there. Of course the poor man had no idea that I was up all night putting drops in my ears, taking medications, and having horrible nightmares (which is normal when I am on pain medication of any kind). Took me a long time to figure that one out. Terrifying thought when you realize how many times in my life I've been prescribed pain meds for my surgeries and weird medical issues. Oh well, they only frighten me until i wake up. The only time it was scary for me otherwise was while I was completely alone. In fact, that may have been the nightmare itself. To be alone. The worst nightmare you could ever have, is the one that you cannot wake up from because it IS your life. Scary concept. Okay, now stop, catch your breathe, don't let your emotions or your feelings frighten you...breath. Just don't forget to start again. I will guarantee you that your worst fears...the ones you hide deep inside you but never admit to those who it may matter to most...are the ones that can't actually hurt you.



Being alone has never hurt me. In fact, it most likely helped me to grow in the end. And is it the end? NO WAY! I'm just gettin started. I started a new life not too long ago. Never to forget my past but ready and willing to start a future with someone else and put myself out there like bait on a hook. Try not to invision a worm dangling on a hook dead and lifeless or squirming in pain and agony...I spent way too many man hours fixing myself up and primping to look my best just in case I ran into him at the store or he might call me and ask me to come over...(gotta look like a 10 when you're single)...but okay, bait, you're imagining bait. Think more of those lures that sparkle and gleam as they glide gracefully through the water, colors seemingly bursting from all angles as it mesmorizes all who catch it's tantilizing finess. The sun shining beautifully as it flies through the air, water dripping off of it in streams almost like it had a desire to stay with it, wanting so badly to fly with it on it's journey into the blue water, and having such hope of catching something big, something worth while. Something that would not have to be thrown back. Serving its' purpose in life...to be happy and be useful and appreciated. Unlike the others much like it, but too weak to make it through the reeds when drug along the bottom of the sparkling water...in the muck. Only the best can hold on and stand to be thrown back out there again and again until that worthy fish is found. Guess what...I think I found my fish :)



Isn't that much more interesting when describing the "bait" that we claim to be? Maybe you'll be more interested in the person who calls you a "catch" next time. Or when someone says, "Don't worry, there are plenty more fish in the sea". Maybe it isn't so bad being the bait. We are too quick to judge words thrown at us. Thinking as if they are daggers. Maybe they are nothing more than an egg being tossed gently. No harm intended. In fact, when you think about it...it is YOU who determines whether or not the egg will end up all over you, or gently nestled in your hands when it comes to a rest. The determination of the thrower has no control if your catch is soft and thoughtful. YOU have control. The reciever is actually in control because no matter how hard or determined the thrower may be, if you just allow yourself to adjust to the pitch, you can save yourself from a mess of egg. Question is, are you more willing to move yourself and adjust YOU or just more willing to clean up the mess when the fragile egg hits you without compensation?

Dress your Personality today!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Current mood: exanimate

Cool, I found a quote that sounds like what I advocate. We've been testing at the school so we have to watch the kids test without technology anywhere around us. So I got a couple of books and started reading. Okay here it goes.



"Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Over all these virtues put on Love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."



Now, I'm no high and mighty person, I'm far from it, but I have to say that these traits are seriously what I would LIKE to show. I do not always wear these traits...no one is perfect...no one does all the time, but I do agree that we all should use them as often as possible. I know I own this wardrobe, but where are each of the pieces of this outfit? Maybe they're hanging in my closet, folded nicely in a drawer, maybe they're dirty in the hamper or on the floor. Either way, we must know where they are at all times. In fact, I'd like to think of them as more like makeup or a coat of emotion or traits. See, regardless of what you wear, they are needed to complete your wardrobe and you wear the same stuff every day (without people making a huge deal out of the fac thtat you have on the same pants of shirt you did yesterday). That would be strange sounding..."Wow, did you see the kindness she had on today? Didn't she wear kindness yesterday? GROSS!" lmao. "Check out her Compassion, that is so last season!" haha. Hmm, okay but hey, maybe it's time we throw away that "shirt of Love" with the holes in it, and splurge for our own feel goodness. Yeah, feel-goodness. lol. Put on one that isn't tattered or one that covers all of the skin of hatred.

CLOTH for THOUGHT? hahahaha

Try on some Emotion?

Don't forget to Accessarize?

Dressing Spirituality?

OKAY you ready to know where the quote came from? A women's spiritual strength book. It's a verse pulled from the bible. BELIEVE IT! It's Colossians 3:12. As a writer, I HAVE to give credit where it is deserved. It's a pretty good concept if you ask me.

Feeling Blonde, Acting otherwise...ty

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Current mood: blah

First of all, I appologize for being gone so much, I actually just had surgery on my head...lol, I had an outer ear infection (common right? WRONG!) See, the point where you became wrong was when you forgot that this is ME we're talking about and everything is 10 times more dramatic than it would be with anyone else. Okay, so this outer ear infection quickly turned into a huge infection. Problem was, you couldn't see it unless you looked inside my ear. Yeah, crazy. I got this infection and it was a Saturday...yeah, no doctors open. Went to the doctor on Monday morning (ear, nose, throat specialist) and he tells me, go get this prescription and come back in the morning. Time for another surgery. He says, WOAH! That's bad! Well I guess that explains the nausea, no sleep and awful feelings I've been having. Okay, so today, they took out the packing and the throbbing pain is still there, but not nearly as bad as I expected. So I suppose I'm just sayin, sorry I haven't been around for your entertainment or boredom lol.



Now, to those of my friends and readers that rely on pick-ups throughout the day to keep you goin, I just want you to know that you don't need it. If you feel you do, let me start by saying, YOU ROCK! Trust me, I know. You read, show interest in others lives, and are supportive if not concerned by others or about others. I know this because you read and comment on my blogs :)! Yep, you can't hide your caring nature behind clever sayings, words, or pictures of skulls and crossbones on your pages ;) I know you lol. I'm no fool...well...today...and most days...although I am accused of being blonde some days. OH did I mention yet that I am blonde again? Yep, bit the bullet and dyed it blonde. Don't let the blonde hair fool you. Though often shiny things will catch my attention, it is often the shiny things on my wall that are the culprits. What are those again, OH YES...Degrees :) Hehe. I am blessed with intelligent friends and it's even common for my man and I to have an intellectual conversation now and again. I love it! Might I add...WOW, I LOVE hearing your comments and feedback. You guys keep me going and keep me writing. In fact, just seeing that you took the time to read my writing is gift enough for me. Thank you. SEE, you DO ROCK! And it's just because you are you.

Am I already 24? GEEZ slow down

Friday, April 02, 2010

Current mood: pirate

OH NO! I woke up this morning and I was 24. We won't discuss that it took me until March, almost April, to realize that I turned 24 in October. Yes, a bit slow but wow. How many years did I use trying to find out who I am? Am I a student, born to sit and soak up information to rattle off to anyone who is willing to listen? Am I a teacher, being taught long enough to lead those who are willing to follow? Am I an interpreter, working my ass off learning a language so that I am a bridge of communication? A filler of gaps...Hahaha that sounds strange doesn't it? Exciting, none the less, but strange. Oh and did I mention fun? I love the language. Graceful, unique, beautiful...not simple contrary to popular belief. LOVE my job (working in special education and with Deaf students). I love my handsome Man (sweet, charming, in your face...Gotta love him :) OH OH! and Super sexy....Sorry babe, almost didn't say that hahaha. I also love my family and friends. My family is great (supportive, reliable, always there for me) And my friends (they may not be right here by my side physically, but if I tell them what is going on, they are never dissapointed with my decisions or what I do). I am blessed with more than a handful of people to turn to when I need it. And one of em is by my side unless he's at work of course :). So, riddle me this Batman, What the HELL took me so long to find this all out? I know we are to learn from our mistakes and the bad things that happen to us. OH but seriously did mine need to be so overdramatic? I do know I can say I've experienced happenings that have forced me to learn the "hard way" I suppose. I'm putting that nicely :). Let's just hope I'm done learning and I'm ready to use that wisdom for growth...Which is ironic considering I'm already 6ft standing flat footed. WELL speaking of growing, I gotta grow...I mean go lol. My babies are lookin at me with empty food dishes. Gotta feed Junior and Jack and Cain. Later readers. Good to be back. :)

LOVING frustration :)

Friday, April 02, 2010

Current mood: frustrated

I felt like letting out how I feel, unfortunately, my poetry when I am in a happy relationship is not as fantastical as my poetry when I'm alone or in a bad relationship. I suppose it is because I am really good at being sarcastic and cheeky when it comes to hating a situation or someone but when I am happy, everything seems to turn out okay. If it doesn't, I know it will eventually so I can't be pessimistic really. I obviously wasn't trying to be sarcastic in this one. Just appreciation. The second part of this blog is where I was letting out some of my feelings that seem to omit hatred or dislike in a situation or someone who creates a bad situation. It's just writing. Helps me release.

There were times in my life I felt I wouldn't make it,

And for once I found the strength to say,

You know what, I just can't take it.

We all reach a point where shit just hits the fan,

And I refuse to be miserable,

Due to trying to please any man.

I must say now I see why I went through this,

And surprisingly would do it all again,

If I end up just like this.

Who would have thought this friendship would progress to this,

That anyone could steal my heart now,

With just as much as a touch or kiss.

My heart was broken into so many little shards,

So was his so maybe his pieces and mine,

Could combine into one strong heart.

I feel I've met my match I fit so perfectly with him,

I hope this can last and stay the same,

Cuz I am in this one till the very end.

I lay my head upon his firm chest, He has been working out and the pushups he does every night are working in his favor. Of course, he is just as attractive to me as MY man, with or without the work on his body that he has been doing for his own rise in confidence, health, and yes, even my approval in a way. Maybe those are bad words, but he constantly says he's doin it to impress his hott girlfriend, which raises my confidence as well. Let me sneak in a comment about how much I love this man real quick before I move on. GOD I love this man. He's so good to me. Okay, so as I was saying, I lay my head upon his chest. I hear his heart beating steady as he breaths in and out deeply...I can tell he's sleeping because of that sweet noise he makes as he breaths out. Thoughts are going through my head like previews on a movie flashing just fast enough to get you rialed up about them but not to give away too much of the plot...however, the familiarities of the visions are almost sickening. I know these visions. I know them far too well. My eyes are closed , or so I think, is that my mind creating those visions while I'm spaced out? Wondering how this is happening again...or is it? Am I playing my own enemy? He's not them Kesha, I tell myself over and over as I try not to let my tears roll farther than my cheek. Can't let them fall on his chest, he will feel it, wake up, and want answers as to why it is 3 in the morning and I am still awake torturing myself. Then this will lead to me to stumbling over my words, trying to explain why I am so upset over something as simple as a text...or 4. Was it 5? Does it matter in the end? Why can't I just be happy without the trouble of worrying about this kind of situation? Listen, in my mind, she had her chance and unfortunately she blew it all to Hell. Now it's my turn to be happy with him. It's not as if I stole him from her. They were over. She just changed her mind later. Not my problem or his right? Right. Sorry, I need to reassure myself sometimes. Oh, and I plan to stay happy by the way. I Love him. We work so well together it's scary. I actually have to remind myself that I am not dreaming sometimes...that he really does treat me that well and love me that much too. So this person...let's call her "Obsessa", needs to back up off my candy. Cuz I love this sweet taste in my mouth and I plan to keep it no matter what I gotta do. It's not my fault that the taste in her mouth and the taste she put in his mouth was bitter. I love my life. There is no room for an ex to ruin this now. And so we're clear, he didn't text her back...at all. He feels that would stir things up. He ignored it. I still felt threatened and like my toes had been stepped on in a way. Hello...isn't she married again? There are no excuses to make this sound okay. For the first time in a long time, I feel like someone's about to get smacked in the mouth. And My man...I'm not worried, he's never given me a reason not to trust him and I know he loves me. But she...needs to stop. I got it out. Done for now. Just needed a release. Thank you. More to come later on :)

Bye bye Bagley

Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Current mood: moody

This is the day that I made myself. Always a good time here at home. For all you singles out there, he won’t be your boyfriend, he’ll be your best friend and eventually you’ll just realize that you can’t help but want to spend all your time with him and you’d be wasting your time trying to find someone else that will just be jealous of what a great relationship you are able to have with him in the first place. Wait, so you’re already best friends, you can’t spend more than 10 minutes without thinking about something you’ve done together or you’re going to do together, and chances are in this day and age, you’ve already slept together, you just aren’t claiming each other as a couple. Oh gimme a break. Think about it, if you are able to look him in the eye and say, “Oh, I can see us as friends, I just don’t see us as more”, obviously he already sees you as more or you wouldn’t feel you have to say it. Now just a friend doesn’t count…of course…but if it’s your best friend and there’s no reason you shouldn’t be together…WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! You are gonna continue to waste your time on men that you try to build a friendship with after you’ve dated them a while…when you should be best friends and then build up from there. Seriously, what is the world coming to? Don’t just give it up right away. Have respect for yourself. At least know them before you do that…You should know who they are. If you don’t know their parents, middle name, or whether or not they’re married or have kids…you should probably back off till you do…for sure. Important information is imperative to your self-respect. Okay, it just makes you respectable. Well, it’s more respectable to me…maybe I’m old fashioned. Maybe I’m pissin some of you off…wait, do I care, nope…cuz this is MY blog and that’s how I feel J Don’t you just hate that? Yeah…sorry. Anyways…



Meanwhile back at the ranch…I’m still wondering if I should get another pet. Yeah, my baby passed. Ol’ Bagley, Junior’s baby, died last week on Friday in an unfortunate accident that I choose not to rehash. I’m sure that I was definitely hurt over the fact that I don’t have kids, I treat my animals like my kids, and I lost one. Putting up with hospital time and IVs and special medicines like steroids and anti-seizure meds, and crying all night, and getting up every 30 minutes to let him walk in his potty box…I was a bit attached. I give em my all and losing one is definitely drastic around here. We were both hurt to lose a kid.



Anyways, that’s my week, and I have WAY too many people in my life that don’t respect themselves. C’mon guys, you’re worth more than that…chill out. Have some fun but don’t expect to find a potential husband tomorrow…In fact, you may have already met him. I got lucky this time I know for sure. I want this for you too…speaking of, I gots to go! PEACE PEOPLE!

I need a good restart button please

Saturday, February 20, 2010
Current mood: crushed

THANK GOD I have a wonderful man to hold me and talk me through this week. Without him, I would have ejected myself from social life and sunlight completely by now this week. I seriously think it could be worst but it would be totally unfathomable. HELP ME!



Where shall I start? Okay, so I got my wisdom teeth removed. All 4 at once and with the way the bottom ones were growing in, they had to remove some bone too. This sounds just as bad as it is lol. Yeah, I say lol but I can't smile because it hurts like hell lol. Now, my face is swollen, looked like a monkey or a chipmunk for 3 days and now I'm bruised from chin to cheek bone. Yeah, looks like I got the crap beat out of me. And again, hurts like hell. The stitches are way up in my gums and it's killin me. Perkiset helps...but then I'm moody and tired. Not a good mix with the rest of my week.



I have a new puppy named Bagley Eggleface. Yes, it's got 2 names. lol I call him Bagles Bagley Baglesbee, you name it cuz we named him. He's Junior's son and yes, i have pictures but it's tough getting them off my phone without my cord so I'm working on that. I also have videos of the little guy. He's so cute. And a lil turd...but he's a miniature blue chihuahua what can you expect? For those of you that know me from before, he looks much like Coozie without the crooked jaw. He has the coolest personality and he's just tiny. Well a couple days ago, I felt the tug on my heart when he started having Serious seizures. they got so bad that I took him to the vet and was begging for help cuz he actually died in our arms and we brought him back with valume they gave us for his seizures before to make it stop. He got worse and worse until finally we called the hospital and had him admitted. I have spent tons of time and effort getting up in the middle of the night and feeding, potty training, loving on him...now he's sick and has a cathider in his little tiny leg. I took him to get it out and the doctor said that if he continues to have such serious seizures as often as he has been then we should put him down. I was stoked about having a puppy considering I haven't had luck having kids and I thought this was the next best thing...Now he's being taken from me too. I'm devistated. We both are. And i am going to throw my little fit and say you know what? This is not fair!!! We're trying a steroid and an anti-seizure medication on him but he's still having these awful seizures. I can't even protect my own baby. I feel like a failure as a mother knowing I can't help him. His disease is called Hypocephalus and it's common in chihuahuas (fluid around the brain). I did the research looking for alternative ways to treat it but for an 8 week old tiny little puppy, it's not looking good. I'm such an animal lover too (and I don't mean in the sheets nasty) lol that's another story another day. lol. No, seriously I love animals and this is just heartbreaking!A couple paychecks later, the odds are not in my Bagley's favor. We can't afford an operation that no one thinks will end well and we don't know anyone who will even try to perform it on a dog his size. Lemme be emotional and cry about this on my pain medication while I eat nothing but soup, my teeth killin me and to top this all off, you wanna hear the kicker?



Sorry if I haven't answered texts or phone calls cuz I gracefully dropped my phone in the toilet. Yep, this is not my week people. My legs look better...not well yet, but not painful. THANKS for letting me whine and cry and release on here. I needed that. Love you guys, it can only get better from here right? Right.

Hey kitty kitty. I'm home!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Current mood: blissful

One of my friends is in jail and I gotta say, it makes me kinda woozy when he calls cuz I gotta hear that oh so familiar voice ask if I wanna accept the call lol. Well of course I do, cuz he's my friend and he's important.



My man and I went grocery shopping today and im almost overwhelmed by my love of food when I open the cabinets and they're full with everything I love! :) YAY! It just so happens he has the same tastes as me. :) I just feel comfy here. It is my home. wow. Cool to say it.



Speaking of my home, I've been here quite a bit after I got surgery on my legs. No, it wasn't an infection again. Actually, it's something that unfortunately comes from being diabetic since I was 5...it's called...a diabetic rash or bruises up and down my shins and ankles that NEVER dissapate (Never freakin go away) lol. These bruises can cause blood clots if left alone for too long. So, in order to make them dissolve into my skin, I'm seeing a specialist who is actually taking a laser and burning my legs from ankles to knees. Then the bubbles from the burns fill with water, eventually they drain and then once I get past the burning feeling, I spread vaseline on them and keep them uncovered for about 3 weeks while they heal and the skin looks clear and normal. My scars are going away too, but just as soon as it heals, I go back for a Dr. appt and they do it again. Yes, seems a bit dangerous. Seems a bit repetative but it's all for the best. I WILL SURVIVE...I gotta...If I lose a leg, that's a HUGE part of my body and I may cease to exist. I am 60% leg so losin one or both would be detrimental to me I suppose. Muahaha.



Oh, so one of my best friends is coming home which is so awesome cuz I was scared of him going overseas again. They sent him home. Yay!



On a totally new note...I'm gonna go eat. Hahaha, you thought it was going to be important or interesting. It's not. It's predictable. lol. PEACE!



OH SAW GABRIEL IGLASIUS! HE WAS FREAKIN HILARIOUS! loved it loved it loved it!

Junk...but it's MY junk...not like that lmao

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Current mood: bouncy

AH MY FRIENDS! HOW I MISSED YOU!



Junk: Something you've kept for years and threw away a week before you needed it.



They say I'm a packrat. (I resent that)! lol. I don't like to get rid of anything. Not true...I don't keep anything other than MY stuff. lol. They also say "One man's junk is another man's treasure. (WRONG AGAIN)...Not true...See, I love my junk...its other people who dislike my junk. :)



All of my junk has or will eventually serve a purpose. A lot of it has sentimental value as well. (I swear that mismatched broken candlestick holder still works...for the most part hahaha...okay maybe it should be thrown away.)



We won't even discuss what my poor boyfriend's house looks like since we moved all of my junk to his place. Granted...he lived in total bachelor's world before I started moving in, but he was content with his bare-minimum ways. Yeah, slowly our place is starting to appear lived in. :) My plan is almost complete! Muahahaha. Just kiddin, he actually asked me to move in with HIM! Wow right? Blows my mind.



Actually, to be honest, I almost refused graciously because I didn't know how to react. Not because I don't absolutely love and adore the man...TRUST ME...I DO. But giving up my apartment and independence in hopefullness that this would work and not leave me stranded? What the hell?! Naahhh hahaha I jumped all over that. This guy is the cat's meow man, He actually gets my humor and that's awesome! I'm also a libra, so love and emotion is what I do. You gotta trust in the goodness of people right? Take chances? RIGHT! And this one, I gotta tell ya, is one of the best decisions I've made in a very long time. I am feelin the reprocussions of this one and it feels ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! YAY! Smile, laugh, and spread it around :) LATER ALL!

To Those Who Are Stronger than Others!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Current mood: touched

So today is the day that I discovered just how fragile we can actually be. I found out something about someone that I can't even talk about which is awful cuz I LOVE talking things out to help me. I have to say that this is one of the most controversial issues I have ever witnessed a friend going through. It sucks. But I gotta tell you, this friend/aquaintance is taking this in stride and my faith in good, strong people has been replenished. Kudos to this person if you are reading. The decision on your shoulders was approached with such grace...I don't know if I would have been strong enough to handle it. To this person and everyone that I know that keep your head clear and heart strong and morals untainted in this seemigly horrid natured world. I salute you with all my respect :)



NOW! I gotta say, comedy month, which was pointed out by none other than my man has kept me laughing till I cry. Oh MAN it is good for the soul! Everyone should take some time and check out the Comedy Central Presents... cuz it's fantastical in all it's greatness and wondermous! lol. Okay, I'm done glorifying things with made-up words fo sho. Oh...well maybe I'm not. lol. HEY that's me folks.



Babadee babadeee ba deee that's all folks!



:) LAUGH out loud...it pisses people off, cuz you know if you share it with them, they JUST wont understand. Keep your imagination fresh and unruly! YEAH! it's yours! You do not have to share it...but if you do....LET ME KNOW!!! PLEASE! I LOVE witty banter!

OMG JELLYFISH vs. RELATIONSHIPS!!!!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Current mood: satisfied

Okay, so this one will be short and sweet. I am still working and now have my computer hooked up at my new house. I wanna start by saying, I LOVE MY LIFE! I am blessed with an abundance of love, companionship, friendship, and even work. YES, I love my job. I am an interpreter half the day and the other half I am a teaching assistant at a high school. I love it. It fits me and everything I wanted to be and do. I just moved in with my best friend...someone who gets me, and my sarcastic humor. He tops me with his vulgarity but we just fit. It's fantastic! It's finally my TURN! YEEEESSSSS!!!!!! Okay, so for others in my life,

It seems as if I have been asked a lot of advice from friends lately... and I bet I can summarize it like this...

Relationships are like a jellyfish. (They just shouldn't freakin exist!!!!!)

What you need is a friendhip that you know will not only last forever, You will NEVER tire of it. Someone who makes you laugh till you cry and then keep throwin it at ya till you can't breath. I have this and it's fantastic!

DON'T...

Be together for the kids

Base a relationship on the things they say

Stay together if you're unhappy

Keep trying if it's inevitable

Be scared to be alone so you stay with them

Keep your troubles deep down till you explode

Have kids to solve the problem.

Okay, you can't run from love. You can't run from a jellyfish. You can't punch the anger out of the relationship (have you ever tried to punch a jellyfish? It won't work. Your hand will just get incased in the gooey nasty freaky creature) They're evil and you will just get zapped. You can't talk your way out of a jellyfish attack. And if you get stung...just think, at least you can heal from a relationship...You gotta pee on a jellyfish sting. So as it goes...it's better to be pissed off than pissed on...but why not avoid it in general till you are sure about it?

Okay, the exception is deep deep down in the ocean passed all hope and in the darkness there is a flicker of something beautiful. A jellyfish that looks like a saucer but filled with LEDs. They are majestic and awesome. You are missing out if you haven't seen this. WHAT? Kesha like s a jellyfish? YES because like relationships, there is always one type that is so worth it, you would be cheating yourself if you didn't give it a chance. Just don't be fooled and get sucked in. Don't get me wrong. I am careful and I would never swim with the ANY jellyfish. Don't just jump in! But give it a chance. I mean, if I hadn't had faith and trusted people to guide me passed the nasty huge ones. KEEP YOUR HEADS UP!

A LONG wind! Wait, I don't speak wind. Relationshits...

Sunday, November 15, 2009
Current mood: shocked

Let me begin by saying, I am happy where I am. REALLY happy these days. I spend my time with a man who seems to still be iffy about situations sometimese but is willing to give it a try. Most times, especially during our time, things are really comfortable and nice to have let me tell you. But hey, the relatioshit factor is always there so good thing we are both aware of it so it won't take us over and make us lose ourselves. So far, so good, ya wanna know why? AGAIN? NOTHING CHANGED other than that one factor I was worried about. and it's a good thing that changed cuz it stressed me out. THIS IS NOT ABOUT THAT THO! This is about people in general and their views on relationships. Or what they would make relationshits cuz man it sucks. HEY THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT A MINUTE AND SORRY ITS SO LONG I NEEDED IT OUT! :).



Have you ever been offered something and then that person decides to take it back once you decide it is what you really really want? How about when someone doesn’t technically offer it but it is implied but then they can’t fulfill the offer due to their own feelings? I sit here a woman wondering what my next move will be since I have, more than once, thought I had my life set or planned out and it came crashing down on me as my thoughts and dreams were besieged and warped into reality in a cruel and painful fashion. This is not something I wanted to watch. I had beautiful things planned for myself and another who would choose to spend endless nights with me and enjoy the sunshine and rain equally because we would be spending this time together regardless of the weather or elements. Unfortunately, I have yet to find this other who thinks that I am worth that time. Although, I'm beginning to believe I have found someone who wants the same thing. Only time can tell. To enjoy your time with someone and not hold each other hostage as we tend to do like worry that the other is not faithful or trustworthy. Sick measures we find ourselves falling into as we hold on with all the strength we can muster up as we squeeze the life right out of ourselves as well as the person we care most about. How about the other perspective? How must it feel to be so miserable with someone that you can no longer take fathom the idea of coming home to them to share a night of joy and happiness…knowing this is false and that the fighting will commence as soon as you walk through the door so you look for any comfort that is thrown your way no matter how nasty or unholy it may be. Driven to cheat by another? Is it possible? Or is this a horrid reality that the daemon lies within us? Maybe we are built to have unsuccessful relationships. Maybe the idea of spending a lifetime with someone is a concept that our generation cannot grasp. I must say, I was recently single and I am still flabbergasted at how many friends I have that have the idea in their heads to just "mess around" with someone with no feeling whatsoever. To have as many people as possible to get it out of their system. Well I pride myself in knowing that my ideals spread from the idea that LOVE does exist and you CAN be with one person and never desire another to the point that you find yourself in situations that can only be described as unforgivable. I assume that I am not the only one who thinks this way but I am getting a little impatient trying to find someone who does NOT believe in cheating and all of these regulations on what constitutes "cheating". IT’S ALL CHEATING! Let me say something…if you wouldn’t do it in front of your mother with her knowing you have someone exclusive then you should NOT be doing it. Also, if you, in any way, feel that your significant other will be hurt by it. Don’t Do it. Monogamy is NOT that hard people. You CAN stay faithful if you TRULY love or even if you just respect the person for now and you put your mind to it. It is NOT that hard. OMG I am so adamant about this because I can do it and have done it and WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Are we not good enough that you feel it’s imperative to go find someone else to get your rocks off with? Are we not good enough that we have to sit back and accept being second best to anyone? Am I not good enough to be enough for you? This is my question. AND this is why I’m single so frequently I think. I want one man. One man to love me and choose me over other things such as other women for example. Is that so much to ask? I need that. I truly do. And that, my friends, is too much to ask of people anywhere near my age range for love. Yep, I said it. People my age SUCK cuz no one seems to agree with me. I would say they want their cake and to eat it too…but that makes no sense to me. I would eat my cake if it were my cake and given to me…what else am I supposed to do with it…but if you have cake…lots of cake and it’s good, WHY WOULD YOU PUSH IT ASIDE AND ORDER PIE? Makes no sense to me. Throw away something good just because you are too afraid to take a chance or give fate a try or even try new things to spice it up so that you don’t feel the need to cheat or leave or fight. Why is everything so difficult in the end and why can’t we just let ourselves love someone for who they are and accept what they find important? Why do we fight it? Because we’re scared. My best friend at the time and I were cruising in my new car and ranting and raving about whatever…anyways, I said, "It’s not fair, all of the people my age are either wanting to only mess around, broken, or taken." His reply actually stopped me from speaking for a few minutes. Must have been good if it shut me up. Granted, he was drunk and it was word vomit but he said, "You’re right. If they are this age and single, then they have all been broken in some way." Isn’t that sad? The realization of this actually made me want to cry. If I want someone I either have to be capable of piecing them back together or accepting of the fact that even though I believe I am, they don’t believe I’m worth settling down for. Otherwise I would be waiting for them to get over the heartache that is set deep down in them where I can’t reach because it is their own pain that they have to deal with on their own time. This is one I have problems with but can understand because I was there once. Forced into a relationship before I was ready and YES I made 50% of the decisions but inside my heart I knew that the ultimatum was going to be now or never and I should have chosen never in order to save myself. Now is probably when I need to put myself in others’ shoes and accept my fate. Lol. To relax and be happy with what I am given and maybe this time, it will work? Oh man, how I want it to work. But this new thing I have started in MY life is fun and I am lovin it. Fortunately we're best friends first. So everything is known and OUT THERE. No surprises and no skeletons hopefully. Honesty and the friendship without the worry of whether or not the other is sleeping around. If that was the case, we never would have tried anything. Someday I will be married. That's future so who knows if it will be a current pursuing or something different but marriage is something I want. I've always said that if he wants to keep me ( In sickness and in health hopefully cuz I’ve always said if HE will love me through sickness or health, I will love him for rich or for poor. I could care less. This is why I went to college. Things are much easier when you put two paychecks together as long as you know how to spend…or shall I say, not spend. OH MAN it’s almost 9 and I’m still babbling, I gotta go now. Good luck with health and love. It’s all we need I say. All we need.

WHAT? YEAH! OKAY!

Sunday, November 15, 2009
Current mood: creative

I don't get to get on here lately due to where I've been staying. There's no wireless internet. HOWEVER, every now and again I come back and I check this to see if anyone has written to catch up or something. I have changed jobs officially starting tomorrow. Gonna be strange but I'm ready :) I embrace my challenge with true acceptance and grace...hopefully. (OKAY I accept it biting nails nervous as hell and trippin over everything in sight lol.) That's about right. Let's just pray the kids dont SEE me AS PREY and attack the new meat that stands before them on Monday because they do know me considering I'll be working in the same place I have been for the entire beginning of this school year AH! Okay...stability not needed in WHERE...but stability in work...which I will have and not lose due to changing positions. (HA changing positions) lol. sorry, my mind is in the gutter. That was hard to follow. However, I don't want to explain it so I hope ya did. :) I am advocating new things in relationships. I am going to have to watch my attitude it seems to be getting out now and again. My mind is in the gutter but I am on edge and have not figured out what it is that is crawling under my skin. I think it has something to do with WHOREMONES lol I like it spelled like that. Anyways I really do think it's something like that cause this is weird. I am moody and on edge a little every day now. I think I need to let it out in another way so that I can treat those bitches around me (just kidding) My loved ones with the respect and happy attitude they deserve to be around. I think something is a miss. Or maybe my diabetes is making me moody with ups and downs but I hope its not, due to the fact that its difficult to explain and make people understand that one. Yeah, sometimes unexpectedy I may bust out with a mean comment or not want anything to touch me cuz my blood sugar is out of control. I probably won't realize it until after I have started a bit of an argument or tiff with you. Then I start thinking about why I'm bein a jerk and realize OH I didn't take a shot or OH I bet you I'm high or low. I'm high maintenance. IT SUCKS. I hate how I get sick sometimes but you know what? My best friend/boyfriend (( I think it's the same thing anyways) But I believe I'm dating now. It's official) was there for me the other day and took care of me during my high blood sugars. I was throwing up and couldn't function and he sat with me in the bathroom and rubbed my back and told everyone to come over another day cuz I didn't feel well and kept water by my side and watched multiple movies that I kept passing out during and he took me to go get pedialite. It meant alot to me to be taken care of as much as I needed it. If you know my past, you understand why it means so much to me. He'll never understand how important it was...seriously. He even kept a hand on me and stayed around me. He didn't leave or use it as an opportunity to run around without me. Either you know me and understand or you don't, but I couldn't say thank you enough. Okay, now I have alot of new friends and it is great

Cheers to all those who'd like to join in :)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Current mood: satisfied

I am waisting time. Fixin to watch Sponge Bob the movie :) Yep, and what better way to watch it...than with someone who constantly makes you laugh?! Oh whatever, there is no better way. Oh well that way is good you're right. Oh and that way...but this will be awesome. YAY! Okay that was really excited...wanna hear about my day??? TOO FREAKIN BAD I'm GONNA TALK ABOUT IT ANYWAYS!



So I am being moved to another job. Same place but totally new assignment. I'm gonna be working directly with special ed children. I'm excited. I'll have to relinquish my job as a 1 on 1 with my current client...this does make me a little sad but we knew this was coming eventually. So everything happens for a reason....OH MAN CLICHE, I need to work on my metaphores and analagies and motivational lines lmao. Today I was reading and read a good one, wanna hear it...I SAID WANNA HEAR IT!?!?! Too bad. You'll have to read it lol.



"You know when we were dating and you said you would die for me? Well now that we've broken up...I think it's time you kept your promise" MUAHAHAHA



Kidding. I really have no regrets or hard feelings at this time against anyone. Hey you know what...it kinda feels good :) I've had tough times with lots of people but it's over and done for. They deserve to find happiness just like I do and I wish all the best. :) CHEERS people. Keep smiling, keep your heads up. UP UP UP just not up someone's well yeah you get the point :)

MOST scary Halloween EVER! AAAhhhhh lol. I loved IT!

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Current mood: naughty

So for this Halloween, I decided it was time to buy a costume. I am a firm believer in finding something I already own or asking for stuff but my mother went with me on a quick trip to the city and we picked out an adult costume for Halloween. Realy adult. lol. I got it from hot topic. Just think if I had gotten the one I wanted from "Night Songs" hehe. Well, I rocked it I suppose because I won the Halloween contest at the bar and I think I got me a man. Yeah, no joke. Scary. Hope it's a treat not a trick lol. Nah just kiddin, this is turnin out to be pretty awesome you know why? NOTHING IS DIFFERENT. I'm comfortable. He's comfortable and nothing needs to change. This is great.

SO anyways, are you wondering what I was for halloween yet? Well first of all, I was naughty little red riding hood. They called me not so little red riding hood cuz I'm 6ft tall and had on some tall hooker boots. I had the straps from my costume to my fishnet hose and the corset top with sleeves that were off the shoulders. a petticoat underneath fluffing up the dress that just covered my butt thanks to the straps on my hose lol. I curled my hair all messy ringlett curls and darkened my eyes and lips like I do so well...it was HOT my friends. I was catching eyes and had the attention of the man I was out to impress. He probably could have cared less whether or not I was dressed this way cuz we were gonna hang out regardless. It was our weekened...But I think it may have nudged him in the right direction. If ya catch my drift. I won 150 dollards for my costume winnings and that paid for our drinks and left me with 100 dollars extra. :) awesome awesome.

You can catch pics on the City Limits bar's myspace :) I haven't seen them yet but hopefully they're alright. You'll get the idea at least :)

So that was a fantastic night but I gotta say that 2 nights before that was amazing. Halloween and every night since then has given me that warm feeling and filled that little hole in my...heart lmao. No seriously...I feel...comfortable. But the other night was crazy insane. I'm not even kidding, the top of the mountain of escapades of its type. Um...shall I give it away? NOPE. Never mind. Just know I tried somethin new with my best friend and it was insane and crazy lol. just wow. Can I say wow? I think I'll say wow. If I had one word for it...yeah...wow. Okay so that's enough about that. Did I say wow? I wanted to say wow. Maybe I didnt' say that just had to make it clear. Okay I'm done. (as I stare off thinking....uh...wow LMAO) Ok seriously I'm done.



I am starting a new chapter people! I need a windchime for this! Yep definitely for this one, I need a new chime. But what should it be? What is my change of life going to entail. This sentimental figure has to be unique. What kind of windchime should I get? This may take thought. Throw me some suggestions. Cuz I dont think they make them with jewnicorns on em.



Hey, do you hear that? The wind...it's speaking to us. What's it saying? I don't know. I don't speak wind. BUT it must be important. :) Yay, say yay. I SAID SAY YAY DAMNIT, LEMME shine for a minute in my bliss. It's my turn. Maybe it's finally my turn. We'll see. Staying positive and working to be happy no matter what happens. It's the only way to live. If you aren't learning something new everyday, you WASTED the day. We learn everyday if we keep our eyes open, hearts open, legs open...oh wait no not that one...but no ears open, ideas prolific, smiles shining, and laughter rolling. We'll all be okay. Don't find yourself stuck in a rut cuz you're scared. Take a chance.

My REAL hooker boots come in tomorrow :) yayah!

Birthday Commotion

Sunday, October 18, 2009
Current mood: nostalgic

So in the wonderment that was my birthday I descovered that...peanut butter/jelly shots are cool for your sweet birthday tastes after 5 shots of Patron, a shot of crown, 3 lemon drops, 4 beers. Especially when you have 4 of those. That's 12 free shots. Then I drank a bend me over the bedpost. Yes that's the name of it...it's potent and strong :) I liked it. I even sang a song with my friend Kereoke style :P We weren't bad lol. Got a grill for my birthday and then had a BBQ the night after my birthday. Yes it was totally awesome. The Jewnicorn became popular with my best friend at his house after taking a movie and making it into a HUGE joke although the only time they mention it is for like 20 seconds out of the entire thing. It was just magical lol. You should see the Jewnicorn version we have created and it has a theme song that is SUNG by none other than my best guy friend...and he does it well. lol Then the very next day after the BBQ I got to hang out with this great guy and watch a football game with him (shut up I know I don't have a team but it was fun) and it was at a resteraunt where I can eat...YAY my favorite thing to do. Then to watch practice where I played DJ (not well but I did alright) lol. THEN to a friend's house to eat a wonderful dinner with them cooked by my girl. Tons of fun and fantastical things goin on right before I realize that my bank is overdrawn which is NOT normal for me, but I didn't get paid due to my being out for 3 weeks with my surgery. Then I got some news blurted out at me out of nowhere I assume because of texts since I had no warning whatsoever...and it was a known thing to happen like I knew it was coming, but it was in front of my friend that THAT sucked major. I felt a little like an idiot. Fortunately my best friend is the one that told me this "info" so I got over it real quick and manned up so that I can show my strengths and understanding in other people's needs. Especially when it's someone I care about. I need him to be happy. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens too. Cuz it's who I am.Biotch...just kidding I needed an outburst. I'm done now. I think. When things go bad between friends...who do you run to? I pick my best friend. Well shit, I'm having this difficulty with him so who now? My other friends, well but they seem so busy lately. Hmmm...NO my best friend. RIGHT? time to be honest and share what I should. be honest. Be fair. Be...YOURSELF no matter what anyone thinks. Screw them if they can't accept you right? Screw that. Be loud. Be obnoxious. Be playful. Be strong. Be happy. Maybe in this blog I'm talking to no one but myself. Maybe you understand. Maybe you don't. Either way, it's what I feel so it's what I write. I'll be more upbeat tomorrow I promise. But for now I need this out.

PEANUT BUTTER SMACK! FOO!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Current mood: adored

So what happens when your head fills up so full with truth holding back out of sheer fear of losing a friend or a chance of losing the person you confide in and find comfort in? You would rather saw off an arm than lose a friend that brings out your crazy personality that is so much like theirs that you just crave hangin out with em. I'd give my left nut for this friend...but I don't have one. (I'm just sayin lol) Well, in my recent experience, letting all this go around someone who actually cares about you so much that they wouldn't hold it against you is so refreshing. This is how it went down...confusion, defensive arguing, hurt feelings, laughing, confusion again, being offended, awkward silence, laughing, truth spilling more, laughing, understanding, agreeing, laughing, hugging, laughing, joke telling, more laughing, then...hmmm yeah, well it end awkwardly well. I think I skipped a step but Im used to taking long strides so I like where I ended up. Guess that went um...good. I know I feel better getting it off my chest. Okay so what to do now...oh yes sleep. I can't do any more about anything tonight, it was long and confusing now I'm gonna go sleep through the night and hope my friend gets in contact with me tomorrow to show me how strong a friendship is even in stormy weather or when the LITTLE things come trying to ruin your day. Maybe we'll kick it and watch a flick or something. Maybe not on account of family. :) Nuff said.



I'm afraid that another one of my friends has decided that she's not talking to me or something. I hope she comes around. I treat her like my sister. OH and I am back at work. :) Just wanted to let you people know that I'm STOKED TO BE WORKIN!!!! YAY! Oh, and the saying sneaks in again, (DON'T TAKE SOMEONE'S HOPE, IT MAY BE ALL THEY HAVE). My friend got my longer version of that one, but it wouldn't make sense on here cuz it was just for him HA! Cuz it's HIS phone. "That one blew my head off" Hahaha. SLEEP TIME, SO tired, so freakin tired. Sleep with help me through the night lol. Time goes by so quickly when you're uncontious lol.



I AM me. You are YOU. It's what we do best and no one can take that from us readers. :) So friends, Be HAPPY with who you are and OWN it. SOmeone is gonna love it. Someone is gonna come to a realization while you're bein a dumbass like we do and they're gonna go...yeah, but THAT's what makes you work so well with me. :) Do I believe you have one soul mate? NO. But I do believe that when you are better together than when you're with anyone else it's meant to be. OH know what else? It may take searching to decide that the others are not as compatible OOOOOOOHHHHH. Soul search, find you, find your heart that so many assholes spread all over the place, find your comfort zone, find confidence, Find a puppy, find something that actually rhymes with ghonarreah (however you spell it) just don't catch it lmao. OH WAIT, hey HOMIE, everything RHYMES WITH that huh? lmao. Then when you find all that, or one or whatever...look back and see if someone during that time may have been giggling the entire time you were doing this cuz well it didn't matter to them. But they may have enjoyed watching you bend over to pick these things up. GOOD NIGHT my readers. :) keep smiling, it's contagious.



I wash my hands of all issues and stay true to my caring, loving, one-of-a kind heart :) and DUDE, I wanna throw a wet dish sponge filled with peanut butter at your face. (I'm just sayin)



lol Then I'll kiss your cheek and make it better...When I stop laughing.

Lick it, poke it with a stick, run like hell. lol

Monday, September 28, 2009 .

Current mood: mischievous

OMG Cousin I miss ya! lol. I haven't thought about that in a while. I needed that laugh. I guess I DO still use the method tho. You see, when my cousin and I were younger, we used this method in any situation that brought us issues lol. We started with simple little problems. Well when a pen doesn't work, people shake the pen or roll it on paper. This is not how to fix it! Lick it. Promise it works lol. (Way to get the ball rolling) Now of course this one was not as dirty sounding when we were younger. lol. Anyways, so then we ran into other issues. Like the tarantula problem. See we lived in a small town and at certain times of the year, we experience an over abundance of tarantulas. Just about the same time that there are tons of rabbits and the coyotes start howling and yipping all night long. It's actually really cool until they start getting domesticated and coming into the town like dogs. Scary. Anyways. Tarantulas are wierd and dry out at times and don't move cuz they're dead. Well we saw one in her yard and we were gonna see if it was alive. Well, licking it was not the right way to go about this. So we decided there has to be an alternative to my original way of fixing things.. (Hmmm, we could just poke it, but then again, I am not a huge fan of spiders) OH!!! Let's poke it with a stick. So we pick up a stick and poke it. It moves. FAST. It rears up and HONEST TO GOD it chased her into the house. You've never heard us scream so girly in our lives and we were pretty close to tomboys back then it was rare for us to do that. I mean, we spent alot of our time decking ourselves head to toe in Mud just because we could. Bathing suits were an entire wardrobe for us. lol. (AgAIN...this wasn't so dirty back then lol. Now if I were to say I got in a bikini and decked myself from head to toe in mud...people would not react the same lol). Okay so now there are two methods and they go in this order...Lick it, Poke it with a stick, and the last one, was the Runnin like hell cuz if the first two don't work then you better have a backup plan when it backfires. I suppose it still works at times. Just not all times as an adult lol. I'd give it a try. But when my friend is broken hearted, (although I may find it funny) They may not like it if I licked em...or well maybe they would lol. Probably wouldn't like me to poke em with a stick but then again...You never know lol. Maybe I should try putting this into my daily life again :) Let's see if it works. hehehe. OH I'm GONNA GET MYSELF IN TROUBLE! I can feel it.

YAY ROCKIN WEEKEND!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Current mood: aroused

Okay Fellow C-villians lol yeah that's a word now. Just so ya know. I have to say, the concert on Friday night was ROCKIN and KUDOS to those who rocked it! 9 bands playing pretty good music. There was a pit and everything thanks to my friend startin it lol. Yay, he got to run into people randomly. lol. It made him happy which made it totally worth it to me. Unfortunately I had a friend get hurt cuz she got slammed up against the stage where we all were. As close to the band as possible of course lol. It rocked. Good fun great people can't beat that. Then we had a blast back at the house partying with fantastic people. :) And a fuzball game that is much like the tea I order at restaraunts. Bottomless or shall I say endless? This game doesn't end till my best friend gets tired of it and that takes a late hour mixed with a busy day cuz this guy LOVES fuzball, lemme tell ya. If there was a travel-fuzball game, he would never get anything done. I promise. :) Gotta love his passion for the things he really loves tho. It's a hott personality trait. It's like kids and bubbles lol. "I wish I loved anything as much as they love bubbles". Lmao, gotta love that movie. Anyways, follow all this up by having a GREAT night. Really great. and then waking up early and goin to the gym? Yep, that's right. We went to the gym 5 of us got in the ride and took off to the base where I got to work out...(lol) or try. I punched the punching bag for a bit, then played volleyball for a lil bit (YAY!!! OH MAN I LOVE FREAKIN VOLLEYBALL) then rode the bike, and worked my abs some best I could. I also worked my upper body a bit. I really wanna get back into shape but it is gonna be a process apparently :) Gotta have true dedication to this. Something to push ya. LIKE A GOOD FRIEND who happens to be a complete health freak these days. (Oh don't get hurt it's not a bad thing lol. It's great actually.) Woo hoo. Life is good. I cooked last night. (Yeah, but for those of you who expect me to cook later on, just know that it sucked lol) just kidding. It was good :) And then...movies :) what I love to do most. Chill and eat and WATCH MOVIES:) can't go wrong. Got 3 for tonight. Dunno if I'll get to watch em or not. We'll see. Now it's me...the blogger hoping that anyone cares about how my weekend went lol. Guess what...it's not about what happened so much as it is about things starting to pick up. It's always just a matter of time before my life switches from pure hell to a hell of a time. I just have to remember to be optimistic (even when I feel like punching people I love) Ouch. Yeah, can't do it, so I need a release. A rock concert and workout day is perfect for that. :) Also I gotta get into shape so I can get someone to get me outta shape someday lol. That TOTALLY makes sense to me. Don't try to understand it lol. Now I'm gonna go find somethin to do cuz I feel I look hott today and don't wanna sit at home and waste it. lol. Just kiddin but I do need to see what's up with my money status and go see a friend. :) Catch you guys tomorrow :) Keep smiling. I know I am.

And then there was me

Friday, September 25, 2009

Current mood: satisfied

So there is nothing certain in life but keeping that in mind...I still rely on people's good sense to tell the truth. I'm all about trusting and this could possibly be the most painful of all of my traits. Unfortunately people take advantage of it or know I will trust and let it go and then when it comes down to their part of the deal it sucks cuz they renig. Yep I just said that. BUT because it is one of MY traits...I will always give the benefit of the doubt and trust that smething else won't go down or isn't happening if I am told it's not. :) SOOOooo I felt I was at the eye of the storm but then the clouds start to break and a new day is born. Through the light is not shining on me just yet, I see it faintly in the distance and I think how good could it get? I feel warmth in the future something brave and new, Why not take the chance and follow through? Even fate cannot decide what your heart feels each day, And now I test myself as I go with the flow...now I wait



Poetry? She relies on poetry to get her through. This is true. When my heart starts to feel weak or when there is hope in some way ahead I use words to heal myself. This is probably why I rely on blogging. I love language. Words are fantastic and so healing when used in the correct sense and way. Using them against someone is not the riht way but I gotta say, if you use them gracefully, they will be appreciated not hated lol. So anyways, I have to say that because of reasons unknown, I had a fantastic day yesterday and I couldn't have chosen a more worthy day of technolog (texting) existing. I wouldn't trade it for anything I got a couple yesterday that I read more than once just to make sure I had read them right and when I did, I felt a weight lifted immediately off my heart. I am so much better now. Sometimes we just need clarity even though it may not be exactly what we were looking for, it's that hope that keeps us going. DREAM ON DREAMERS!!! Keep up the optimism. ALL TOGETHEr NOW

It is what it....IS...for now

Whatever happens...HAPPENS...if we will it to

And only time can...TELL...truth

Live life, love what you have, appreciate anything you're given and never give up hope. Cuz we have to be true to ourselves before we can ever be true to another. Just don't let yourself go so long that you forget what you're looking for. Have fun....live out loud and without fear, and when you're ready, i'll be here. :) After all, that's love, and what are friends for people. i GOT TROUBLES but not today, cuz will all the dark clouds I've been complaining about darkening my world, they bring rain to wash away those troubles and trials and cleanse my soul. Plus without rainnand dark clouds, there wouldn't ever be a true appreciation in the bright colors of the rainbow.

Deal with today let go of yesterday

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Current mood: rejected

I look at the horrible day that threatens to ruin my entire being and I sigh as I realize that even though it's cold I have plenty of love and caring people to brighten this time in my life. I smirk as I run inside, the jar empty but hopeful for better times empty as life comes CRASHING DOWN I open it and grab a few pieces so that when I come out of this shining and beautiful with hope and love surrounding me on a perfect day I can look back and say HEY I'm fucking awesome and I can redeam myself no matter how much of a stupid woman I have found myself being. I know better than that. What is wrong with me. I should learn from my past and enjoy what I have and when it's taken from me, keep my head up so that I can see new stuff flying at me or hope that maybe someone notices how strong I can be and takes that into consideration in their own life trials or falls for what I can be and not what I always show that I am. :) I am STRONG, I am BEAUTIFUL, I am SMART, and I have accomplished much and have aspirations and dreams to accomplish more. I AM the entire package, as are most of us and we don't give ourselves the credit, so SMILE, and expect the best while preparing yourself for whatever life may throw at you. I AM BLESSED! Just another topping on this pie life likes to serve me as bitter sweet and I DON'T have to eat it. :) not good for me anyways. I said BRING IT ON, and then let my guard down as my body weakened through surgery...I somehow let my soul and heart do the same. I guess it's time to invest in that wall again ;) BREAK ME! I dare you. watch yourself crumble under the pressure of this tightly woven art that encompases...well... me :) YOU GUYS HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY! And don't forget that we are all unique in our own ways and sometimes it's that weakness that makes you so desireable to most. PEACE OUT FRIENDS :) keep smilin...you know why :P


WE ARE NOT GIVEN MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE IN A DAY SO LET GO OF WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY AND DEAL WITH THE BUSINESS AT HAND!!! REMEMBER WE ARE EXAMPLES TO THOSE WHO ARE WEAKER AND CANNOT HANDLE THE PRESSURE! APPARENTLY IF WE ARE LIVING IT, WE CAN HANDLE IT...SO I SAY THIS TO YOU!!!! PROVE IT!!!

You can kiss my behind if you promise not to get attached to it :) DO IT!!!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Current mood: hopeful

Check this out....You read them seperately right? well Try this on for size. How soon "not now" becomes "never" but it's never too late because Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try, so spread your wings and prepare to fly.



Why do we chance losing something so wonderful and perfect because we are too scared to try or give something new a chance? This is probably the only thing that I can say I wish I changed about my past. Whether it be completely letting something go in order to experience new things or trying something totally off the wall and different in order to broaden my horizon :) I have lived a full life so far but I'm only 23, there are endless adventures that I want to submerge myself in to grow as a woman, as a human in general. The excitement of the wonders I could encounter is endless and I cannot wait to find someone who is willing to dive in without worries or cares of what anyone thinks. Just to forget the pain and sorrow in the past and focus on the bright and shining future that they could see if they were to just look into my eyes and capture the reflection of hope and desire and passion I hold. OH MAN, I feel like I have so much to offer to someone. I truly do

It's not as if we won't fall. Brace yourself for what may happen if you take this chance. I am warning you from the bottom of my heart, I know it sounds like simple fun. Just to let go and let it happen. Sometimes you will fall. But falling is not failure to me. Falling is just a chance to start over and do it better. I have fallen over and over again but I am still willing to give Love and Life a chance. Why NOT? My heart hurts at times when I am rejected ever so sweetly by people I thought I could trust but they are just trying to start fresh too. I cannot blame them for wanting to try new things and live. NOW now now don't be afraid of what will come in the future. Just remember to brace yourself at all times in case you DO come crashing down. We all have these times but we have to remember to get back on the ride again. Don't worry, you were ready for this you knew it was coming NO WAY were you blindsided. GOT IT? Oh and don't think that everything is going to fall into place at once. It won't trust me. But if you keep an open mind and continue to be optimistic, you'll see that there are amazing things that happen every day that are creating a foundation for the building of the future that you want

No one will blame you for not knowing what or who you want in life, but don't hold back in fear of being hurt. Or else you may lose the one person that would never purposely hurt you. Oh cupid how I would love to snap that pretty little arrow over your smart ass head out of revenge for all of the misses you've accomplished when aiming for my true love or someone I could possibly truly love. What is wrong with you? Okay but whatever force brought me my friends I must say KUDOS to that, cuz my friends are awesome. I promote friends in almost every one of my blogs and this one is no acception. I have an abundance of friends and the ones that I quite consider my BEST or family are the most awesome of all. These people keep me going and this is what we should concentrate on even though I'm a hopeless romantic and miss flowers and movies and dinners together....wait...no...my friends and I do this regularly anyways. This is the first time I'm going to risk hurting people's feelings by mentioning who has been here for me lately and I just wanna say THANK YOU Andy, Steph, Uno, Crystal, Kyle, Romie, and Tasha cuz these people have actually been there when I needed something and helped me out by lifting my spirits in so many ways. I truly am thankful for these people being so close and in my life. Thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU. You have been my rocks and I appreciate every moment I get to spend with you and I love the hell outta you guys. Just so ya know :) If you weren't in my life, it would definately be boring. I'd be emo or something crazy and scary like a hobbit of some sort lol. Yeah scary thought. LAST BUT NOT LEast IN this here blog I wanna remind you to TAKE CHANCES jump, if you fall you'll survive and the worst that could happen is you get up and laugh and brush yourself off...those who are like my friends here will laugh with you. Best that can happen is someone will catch you or jump behind you to let you know you're in it together. What do you have to lose? Reputation? Oh c'mon high school is OVER do it! JUMP! BE RANDOM! BE Ballzy do it! DO IT!!!! I dare ya.

Let me guess we're about to go over a huge waterfall? Sharp rocks at the bottom...BRING IT ON.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Current mood: confident

I'm having just a fantastical day considering i went to the dr. and he unpacked my wound telling me that it was lookin pretty good for a diabetic's healing process. Just to keep doing what I'm doing and don't overwork it. Well it's my leg. I gotta use it on occasion so I suck. But that's okay, he gave me more pain meds and it's helping me cope with the self-inflicted pain I must bestow upon myself in order to make it to the bathroom. Yeah unfortunately the bathroom is on the first level and I'm on the lower level so I can watch TV and prop my leg up on the couch. Not necessarily fun but a feat I must battle each day about 3 or 4 times a day.



So I'm stuck in bed or technically "in couch" and I watch a show or two then pass out, then watch a show or two, then pass out. Well normally when I crash, I wake up to something completely different on TV than what I was originally watching. These infomercials are hilarious these days. They try so hard to convince you to buy their product. Some of them are pretty cool, I wouldn't mind testing out the product. HOWEVER others are so dumb and rediculous I think wow...um I could do the same thing with a knife and a hammer and some duct tape. HA who doesn't know how to fix things with duck tape and WD40. I will be intrigued by something and then right in the middle they throw in the "it's free" (for 30 days plus shipping and handling) or the meds they try to sell are just as bad. It relieves all of the symptoms of having a period once a month. You don't even have to take a pill every day. Then you're like hmmmm this sounds nice. And they start in...quietly or nonchelantly...Side effects may include, nausia, heartburn, liver damage, diahreah, dry heaving, coughing, light headedness, blood clots, cancer, and in some cases death. Hmmm, I'll chance facing off mother nature once a month thank you. I don't think I want all of that. But they say it so happily into the screen that you think...Oh a little death...no biggie. it's crazy the way we are manipulated into things. I was watching one today as I waited for the next movie showing and it was for a straightener/curling iron. The words that made me actually laugh out loud were, "This is the most popular accesary at the moment." Yeah At the moment. That's funny. And my accesaries I like to wear around. A curling iron thingy is not going to go with my favorite belt and shoes I'm pretty sure.

I'm quite bored here at home. Wish I had a way to go out and do...anything really. I missed out on the volleyball thing. And that is my favorite sport so it's killin me to not have that to fall back on ya know? This is gonna happen for me. Life is only doing this shit to me because I was getting too comfortable with what I was doing. Life wants me to strive for more ALWAYS and reach for the highest point as opposed to settling for the one I can reach flat footed. Life said, wow you seem to be complaining and worrying about little things but you forget how much worse it could get. Here, see, I'll prove it. Maybe you should appreciate what you have and stop wishing it were something it's not or something more. Try this on for size and you'll be begging for things to go back to how they were. Now If I can just make my way out of all this bullshit I'll stop asking for things I do not deserve. Boyfriend, car, money, perfedtion. It's not like I'm that lonely, my good friends and sisters visit, I have a car although she's not so reliable these days she gets me from A to B, I make enough money but when hurt I can't work and my check will suffer for it so I will be extatic to have my regular paycheck back and thankful that I didn't lose my wonderful job due to my medical absences.

Yes my friends, it is time for me to sit back and re-evaluate what I have and be thankful that I am alive and I am capable of surviving such horrible events and come out of them shining asking, is that all you got? It's gonna take way more than that to bring this chick down. I am strong and independent and full of positive attitude. I'll make your head spin with my karisma and confidence. Try me. Just try me. You won't succeed in bringing down my spirit. I have had years of practice for these types of moments and I'm ready for it now. I have persistance, perserverance, dedication, will power, optimism, and good ol fashioned personality which I pride myself in being my own and unique in so many ways. I say BRING IT ON, and thank you life for the challenge to prove myself as being all of these things. I accept your test and I will pass with flying colors. The colors that only dreams are made of. Like my dreams and hopes and wishes. No, that is not what they are, they are simply things that are yet to be. Eventually I will make them mine because I set my mind to it. If I must face it alone then so be it. I will strive. I will survive. I am proud, I am brave, I am invincible, I am Woman.