The way I'm seen

Today I was told that I am stronger than most. I don't see that when I look in the mirror. I see a woman who has often felt rejection, inadequateness, fear, and pain. I have been hurt many times and I cry too. I am definitely made from my emotions. Yes I believe I am a Libra by astrology's choice and timing and for some reason...that is quite accurate.   I cry often when I am alone to let out my fears and pain and yes I do put on a smile in public or around those I do not want to frighten. You will never see me show my fears or pain to my nephew, for example, because he has more important things to worry about, like why all of the avengers are not appropriately portrayed on his table cloth at his birthday. There is no reason to scare him or any of my friends or family over something as minuscule as myself.  This world is huge and filled with horrible things happening all around us and it would not only be selfish, but positively wrong for me to take attention from more important things. I am no longer in pain, except for when bright lights are turned on or in my line of sight unexpectedly. Most of the pain is gone.   No, my sight is not better, in fact it is worse, but the dr. Said that it would get worst before it gets any better. My left eye is difficult to see through due to the bleeding that happened from the retina before they burned it. If my body can convince itself to reabsorb the blood, then I will get most of my sight back. My parifrial vision in my left eye seems to have been compromised but as soon as the streaks (dark lines that look like ink in water) go away...hopefully...I will have a large part of my vision back in that eye. My right eye is just blurred now but not as drastically as it was a week ago. I feel pretty good except for having to rely on everyone for rides...cuz obviously I can't drive...even to allsups. Strange how the smallest task becomes a big deal because I have to disrupt everyone else's lives too. Wow. What a bug. But I'm always thankful for those who smile when they pick me up and pretend like this is exactly what they wanted to do that day...help me out. I have some fantastic friends...let me tell you. I would also like to say that all of my manners have gone out the window. Please do not take it personally if you say hi and I act like I don't recognize you. I really can't see you from far away and especially at night. Everyone looks the same to me and I am not ignoring or blowing you off. I am just going about my life hoping that people who know me will announce themselves, or walk close enough I don't seem rude. I apologize if I have treated anyone unfairly since, this has happened. It is not on purpose I promise. From the bottom of my heart...I care. I swear I do. ( oh except for that guy...don't talk to me, I was ignoring you) JUST KIDDING LOL!!!! I can't think of anyone I hate that much, if I do, then ya probably would be avoiding me cuz you have done something horrible to me, not the other way around. Till next time friends, and family, and loved ones, and people who read my blog that I don't know, and YOU...YES especially you, no, not that guy...you. Seriously I mean it, thanks for reading this ;) - Kesha Flint