WHY take my EYES?????

As most of you know, I woke up Saturday morning with a horrific earache.  This is just my luck, see I had the Ipad from the school stolen from me and I spent three days looking for it...EVERYWHERE.  Yeah, it's gone.  Anyways, I woke up Saturday and could hardly stand the pain...but fought through it and went to graduation.  I got back and had drops put in my ears and took a nap.  I went to bed early due to pain after going to a bbq at grandmas and woke up only to take meds and eat.  I woke up from a nap on Sunday afternoon and couldn't see out of my left eye.  There was a DARK red cloud in the upper right-hand corner of my vision and two significantly large black dots in the center/right side of my vision. (That I now know are called floaters).  I quickly went back to sleep thinking it would go away if I just rested my eyes.  I was wrong :(...really wrong.  I spent all night worried about what this could be.  To me, looks like blood I'm looking through.  All around it is blurry and it's SO RED.  Everything white is red, everything green is gone, everything red is black...omg I'm going blind. So the next day, I go to work.  I can handle the pain of my ear, even though I haven't seen a doctor due to it falling on a weekend, I can do this, I'm good with pain, and I can kinda see if I focus hard or close my left eye. I can do this.  I called the eye doctor at lunch and they demanded I come in.  That's when my world came crashing down.  He said, this is not good Kesha, but don't be too upset, there's nothing you can do about it.  Diabetics sometimes draw the short straw and contract diabetic eye disease.  It's just something that happens over time.  (GREAT so you're saying that I can't do anything about it, so I should be happy about the fact that my nerves are growing into the eye to replace the nerves that the sugar my body couldn't process have ruined, and I should not be upset that these new nerves are weak and break and bleed into my vision)  The fear begins... (now they inform me that I have to see a specialist ASAP.  SO...the next day I'm headed to Amarillo. This is where I am now.  In Amarillo.  The specialist takes a ton of painfully bright pictures through my eye and turns to me and blatantly says, This is not good...there's no way to put this. (Now this is all I picked up...after he said Diabetic Retinopathy I kinda blacked out a bit...I know what this is and what it means, but the details shared next almost broke me. Here's what he said in so many words)  Your eyes are both equally bad.  They are both bleeding but only one busted to where you can see it in your vision.  You can't see this on the outside of your eye but the weak nerves growing in are bleeding into your eye, when the eye fills up, we can try to open it and get blood out but if they bleed and fill the eye, which is common, the pressure will be too much and you will go blind.  Without laser surgery, you have a 60% chance right now of being blind before this year is up.  (OMG)  So tomorrow we will try to laser those nerves and burn your retina so that they stop bleeding...to prevent this from happening.  You will lose your periferial vision, but your straight view will be preserved for now.   So tomorrow I will lose part of my vision in my left eye, next week, I wll lose the same in the right with laser surgery.  All I can do is wait and hope that the lasers burn the nerves to where they stop bleeding so that I don't go blind at 26.  Wow...I have So much I want to see.  I can't do the first 3 or 4 things on my bucket list if my vision is taken.  Forget highway 1...the sunsets...the ocean...the drive.  Forget petting a white tiger...I can't see it, that is what I love about them...the way they look.  Forget looking my child in the eye...this won't be possible...don't know how safe it would be to have one at this point.  WOW I'm starting to get depressed.  Gotta get off of this now.  PLUS my eyes are the first thing anyone comments on.  Really, you have to take this?  HOW WILL I INTERPRET SIGN?  I WILL NEVER SEE SIGN AGAIN.  Take my hearing...please, take that.  Spare my vision. I need it....please not my eyes - Kesha Flint