Im afraid that I can't see the screen so hang in there through this one ok?  Okay, I got the surgery on my right eye today.  It takes anywhere from two  weeks to two months for the eye's swelling to go down and allow my vision to clear up a bit.  This is not factoring in the blood that is in and around and on the retina that makes it look as if I'm looking through a taillight. It's blurry and red so colors are still difficult for me to tell apart and reading things like this blog are far fetched if at all possible. This one was twice as painful and I'm not sure why but it will take longer to get over these horrific headaches.  SO here is the prognosis.  Dr says that the new black streams going through my vision in my left eye are a good thing...yeah I agree, a good thing that I can't see?...but he says it's the blood that was bleeding from the nerves in the retina before he burned that part of the sick retina off.  So it turns out that he can burn that part off, and it stops the sick retina from telling the eye to bleed constantly...however, now we are waiting for that to heal so that they eye can actually stop the bleeding.  Problem is the nerves will keep growing no matter what and they will eventually bleed as well so this is a continuous procedure that will continue until I eventually lose sight due to the eye not being able to stop bleeding, gaining pressure on the eye and contracting glaucoma.  Fun right?  Looks like I have alot to do before this happens.  If anyone has connections on petting white tigers or photo opps in that situation...or is educated on mileage, price and time management on drivin down Highway One, PLEASE let me know.  These are things on the top of my bucket list that sight is imperative for...some i had, like possibly having children in the future are growing dim if not impossible,catch my drift? It's time to stop being frivolous and startvsaving up for bigger things. Your prayers, especially the ones I did not expect, are much appreciated.  I have people contacting me that I would have never dreamed would.  If you only knew the situation you would know that God works in mysterious ways and he touches people and brings them together in the worst of times.  And support comes in many forms but all is wanted and love is always welcome.  Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I hope all of this is able to be read...cuz I can't read it.  Autocorrect sometimes kills my words so I'm worried.  But I'm gonna post anyways.  Love to all of my family and friends.  I will keep informed. - Kesha Flint

WHY take my EYES?????

As most of you know, I woke up Saturday morning with a horrific earache.  This is just my luck, see I had the Ipad from the school stolen from me and I spent three days looking for it...EVERYWHERE.  Yeah, it's gone.  Anyways, I woke up Saturday and could hardly stand the pain...but fought through it and went to graduation.  I got back and had drops put in my ears and took a nap.  I went to bed early due to pain after going to a bbq at grandmas and woke up only to take meds and eat.  I woke up from a nap on Sunday afternoon and couldn't see out of my left eye.  There was a DARK red cloud in the upper right-hand corner of my vision and two significantly large black dots in the center/right side of my vision. (That I now know are called floaters).  I quickly went back to sleep thinking it would go away if I just rested my eyes.  I was wrong :(...really wrong.  I spent all night worried about what this could be.  To me, looks like blood I'm looking through.  All around it is blurry and it's SO RED.  Everything white is red, everything green is gone, everything red is black...omg I'm going blind. So the next day, I go to work.  I can handle the pain of my ear, even though I haven't seen a doctor due to it falling on a weekend, I can do this, I'm good with pain, and I can kinda see if I focus hard or close my left eye. I can do this.  I called the eye doctor at lunch and they demanded I come in.  That's when my world came crashing down.  He said, this is not good Kesha, but don't be too upset, there's nothing you can do about it.  Diabetics sometimes draw the short straw and contract diabetic eye disease.  It's just something that happens over time.  (GREAT so you're saying that I can't do anything about it, so I should be happy about the fact that my nerves are growing into the eye to replace the nerves that the sugar my body couldn't process have ruined, and I should not be upset that these new nerves are weak and break and bleed into my vision)  The fear begins... (now they inform me that I have to see a specialist ASAP.  SO...the next day I'm headed to Amarillo. This is where I am now.  In Amarillo.  The specialist takes a ton of painfully bright pictures through my eye and turns to me and blatantly says, This is not good...there's no way to put this. (Now this is all I picked up...after he said Diabetic Retinopathy I kinda blacked out a bit...I know what this is and what it means, but the details shared next almost broke me. Here's what he said in so many words)  Your eyes are both equally bad.  They are both bleeding but only one busted to where you can see it in your vision.  You can't see this on the outside of your eye but the weak nerves growing in are bleeding into your eye, when the eye fills up, we can try to open it and get blood out but if they bleed and fill the eye, which is common, the pressure will be too much and you will go blind.  Without laser surgery, you have a 60% chance right now of being blind before this year is up.  (OMG)  So tomorrow we will try to laser those nerves and burn your retina so that they stop bleeding...to prevent this from happening.  You will lose your periferial vision, but your straight view will be preserved for now.   So tomorrow I will lose part of my vision in my left eye, next week, I wll lose the same in the right with laser surgery.  All I can do is wait and hope that the lasers burn the nerves to where they stop bleeding so that I don't go blind at 26.  Wow...I have So much I want to see.  I can't do the first 3 or 4 things on my bucket list if my vision is taken.  Forget highway 1...the sunsets...the ocean...the drive.  Forget petting a white tiger...I can't see it, that is what I love about them...the way they look.  Forget looking my child in the eye...this won't be possible...don't know how safe it would be to have one at this point.  WOW I'm starting to get depressed.  Gotta get off of this now.  PLUS my eyes are the first thing anyone comments on.  Really, you have to take this?  HOW WILL I INTERPRET SIGN?  I WILL NEVER SEE SIGN AGAIN.  Take my hearing...please, take that.  Spare my vision. I need it....please not my eyes - Kesha Flint

who are you

All the small things...like people I started a post in order to spark interest in this one, I don't know how many people read this anymore. I used to have tons of followers on MySpace, yeah I said it, but people would look for my blogs and now I have no clue who looks at my FB, let alone, my blogs so...to those of you who keep up and know I have over a thousand of them, here's another trail of my brain I'll share with you...a life lesson, if you will. In every relationship there are two sides. And before you turn and point out that I'm single and hurt my feelings (just kidding) but seriously...by relationship I speak, ever so knowingly, from experience, about ANY relationship. Parents/children, lovers, friends, married couples, you name it...it's a relationship and this pertains to it. Don't judge quickly, cuz it's not always, it's just in trying times. Believe me, there will be tough times and situations and you will have to choose your role. Two types of people come out when situations occur in a relationship and these are the ones that I have noticed thus far...or at least they are the ones I can remember. There will always be: One person who cares with all of their heart/one who will hurt the loving one with lack of luster and caring. One who believes that truth is imperative to great love/and one who carries wool around to cover their eyes in order to "protect them from their lies" One who will keep open eyes and keep their heart, soul, and mind open/and one who keeps to themself until it festers to the point it blows up in the other's face. One who shares plans and dreams in hopes that the other will become part of them/and one who pretends they want it or say they want it until it's no longer convenient. One who fights for things to work out/one who fights about what has already been fixed. One who acts around that person, as well as away from them, like they are taken and happy about it/and one who is looking always. One who wants to move into something due to being excited about where things may go and get life started/and one who thinks it's too fast and cannot bring their mind to wrap around the word "FUTURE". One who likes to be in control/and one who goes with the flow One who only wants to make the other happy, because that makes them happy too/and one who will take advantage and never give back. READY FOR THIS ONE??? Are you mad because it's not always that way? OH NO!!!! Relationships aren't supposed to be that way! We don't have to be one and the other fill the other slot? You're saying KESHA, you are SO WRONG...well here's why I wrote this... F'in PROVE IT THEN...everyone wants to BE better. Everyone wants to be the good guy. Well guess what, YOU CAN BE! It depends on your attitude and how you treat the person you care about. If you base your decisions, not just on yourself, but on the way it will effect you and the ones you care about...then maybe it wouldn't be this way! Maybe I would have hope that I'm not gonna get the crappy end of the deal. Those of us who try are losing faith in chivalry, in true love, in the meaning of it all...if I am going to put my all into something and get screwed over anyways, why should I try? Why should you? WELL good people are still out there. They aren't all taken. They are waiting for someone good to come along and offer their time and friendship long enough to build something. Care More!!! lol. Give it a try, it's not so bad when both sides have a part in a fantastic relationship. Honestly, it's out there. I've seen it with my own eyes. I want it. I keep my heart closed due to recent events...many many recent events, however, I keep my eyes open for opportunity and hope. Something to catch my eye and keep me interested in ways that even my heart can't understand. I'm here, and I'm not the only one. Good people are lonely every day because others can't handle the pressure or refuse to open their eyes to something worth a try. So here I sit. AND THOSE OF YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP, keep your heart on the goal at hand...happiness. If your friends are happy, you will be too. If your parents are trying to help, let them. If you have difficulties in your life, keep true to yourself. I'm sure you and I both will get what is coming to us, and that thing, is beautiful.