I'm a Liferaft...no it makes sense

So last night while I was lying in bed...alone...again...lol, I started thinking to myself, "Self, you have got to figure out why things like this keep happening to you."  Well, I've got it!!!! By golly I have got it. Are you ready for this one? It's reaching but I hope it makes sense.  Put on your thinking caps lol.

You're on a ship. A beautiful, nice ship and it starts sinking. You think, "where did I put my alcohol?" Just kidding. Haha.  You think oh man I need something to save me.  What could that possibly be?  My world is crashing down in front of me and I just don't know how I will survive this one.  Then I come along.  I am a liferaft, complete with everything you need.  I have an awning for shelter, I have enough suppliment to last you a lifetime, I have a bathroom, which we'll call a dumping groud for all the bullshit you bring along, I have room for all the baggage you need to bring onboard.  I have enough alcohol to support your partying fun ways, and a recliner fit enough for a king for you to relax in when you are tired or just plain worn out and need comfort.  I also listen which is new. I am there for YOU and no one else. But here's the deal...we have LOTS of fun, spend amazing days, weeks, months, years, together and you decide that you convince me to take you to shore so that you can get a good walk on solid ground...I ask you to fold me up and take me with you, but you convince me you will be back.  BUT HERE'S THE KICKER!  NO ONE LIVES ON A LIFERAFT.  No it's back to a ship where hundreds of people have been, it's not fun to live on a liferaft, the liferaft is simply to get you to safety...and I can certainly do that.  But once you've had your fill of me, once you have gotten your bearings back and you feel good again and you aren't sea sick, you can get right back on your speed boat and never see me again...until you once again need saving.  SOOOOO I ASK YOU...who is your liferaft, and when will I be picked up on a yaught and taken away?  When will someone truly feel safe in my arms and want to keep me around through the weather, whether it is good or bad?

What a lowly liferaft I am.  Proud to be the reason so many things work out for other people, but SO ready for someone to pick me...so many have had the chance and so many have walked out of my life due to other things looking more desireable.  Now I ask myself...What is so desireable? KIDS? Am I failing by not already having them?  Cuz everyone leaves me for chicks with kids.  The job aspect? My job isn't respectable enough?  Surely that's not true.  My looks?  Should I look like them cuz most of them have the same type of body structure...wow just noticed that.  I hope not, I can't get shorter. lol.  Maybe it's my personality.  I'm too nice?  Too naive? Too determined?  Too loving?  C'mon people drop me a bone.  WHAT IS IT????

It's amazing

It is truly amazing at how someone can come into your life, know nothing about you, and SAVE your soul from crumbling into a million pieces.  I have this friend that knows very little about me and this friend just so happens to not live here now.  He has no clue as to what is bothering me but gives 100% or more to attempt to make me smile almost every day.  It's the people that look past the smile and see the pain in your heart and soul that can honestly help you in the end.  Is it good to rely on a stranger you ask?  WELL YES if you have the backup to reinforce that others you love know them and vouch for their awesomeness. Hahaha...just kidding, this person is not a stranger, we've met and hung out and made a true connection as friends.  This person is special in alot of ways and apparently, without knowing it, I may have helped out while he went through a tough time as well...isn't Karma BEAUTIFUL sometimes?  All we did was create just a bit of sunshine in each other's lives through laughter and friendship and now we've met on a deeper level without even hearing each others' voices or having to be in each other's presence.  WHY can't more people be like that? Open to new friendships and letting people in?  Friendship is WAY more awesome than any other relationship cuz if you TRULY CARE for a friend you won't leave that person high and dry no matter what happens in your life...did I say NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS? Okay just clarifying that one. 

I have many friends.  Some from way back in the day and some new.  Some I had before and now I have them back again as better friends.  Either way, a friend is a friend and when you find those friends that make you smile, laugh and even cry (good tears) they are worth their weight in GOLD! Or possibly more, I have some very light weight friends that are worth more than that lol.  Everyone else can cope with the fact that you get what you give!  I was told today that I sometimes seem like I'm crying inside.  WELL I am sometimes.  I have a wall built up that I don't expect I could cross, let alone anyone else, and someone, today saw something and pointed it out to me and I cried with the biggest smile on my face I've had in weeks.  I just want to say thank you to this friend.  It turned on a switch that has been off for quite a run of days. I feel like I still have alot of growing to do but in this moment, I feel pretty damn good about where I'm at and why.  THANK YOU FRIEND!  Oh what a sight it is to see that light at the end of the tunnel even if it is faint and dim and flickering on and off.  IT'S THERE! and I think I just started runnin to it.