Okay so this is my warning to life. I have been tossed around and broken too many times now this is war.
I'm writing this for myself more than anyone else. It is a commitment that will not and can not hurt me in the end. I am now putting my goals in order and when life tries to throw something at me I'm finally gonna use my ninja skills to fight back.
ONE I will go back to school and get my Masters degree in teaching so that I am not stuck here alone as my friends, one by one, leave for brighter and more promising aspects of life. TWO I will guard my heart and only let in those who cherish my friendship over anything else. THREE I will not go down with tear filled eyes wondering what just happened to me when there was nothing I could do to prevent it. This is not a game. This is my life that you are messing with and whoever has the strings better watch out cuz I'm coming out on top this time regardless of my trips or falls or PUSHES to the ground.
I like to think of myself as a fairly good person who puts others first and tries to protect others feelings more than my own. That's over. My confidence has taken a beating in the past and this is the time to keep it at a level I can manage. I am a loving person. When my heart is in something, I will do anything I can to make it work and I just need to realize that when others don't agree with my endeavors, I cannot hold them down and keep them to myself...trust me it does not work. I standing tall...well not right now, I'm laying in bed...lol...but I will stand tall and hold my head up and everything that smacks me in the face will get a big smile from me from now on as I take it in stride and embrace what I've learned from it. WHAT HAVE I LEARNED YOU ASK? Well I'm glad you're curious and want to know. What I have learned is that some people have a dark soul that needs to be cleansed by those around them who follow a fruitful and amazing lifestyle that is positive and always running towards what we want and feel we need. What is that...wow you're full of fantastic questions today...lol...THAT IS HAPPINESS. No one will take that from me. Because I am strong. I am confident and I am always going to try to be the best friend, loved one, and family member I can be. NOW how to do that...keep the poison out of my life. Keep the ones I love close and never let them fall because no one was there to catch them. I will grow to be a much better person if I can just remember to always see the things that are right in front of my face, never let the wool be pulled over my eyes and stop settling for what I think I am proud of accomplishing because I can do more. I can always do more. I have to do more. This way, when it's all said and done, I can sit next to someone who is willing to spend time with me and not judge me for enjoying the fast paced lifestyle I crave, but then slowing down when the time feels right to stop and enjoy the scenery. This person is out there. I know it...for a fact, I just have to get my life straightened out so that they can see the fire in me and appreciate it enough to want it.
Is it possible to find someone who is willing to wait for me to get my ducks in a row? So far...no. Someday...yes. He will come to me and ask me to enjoy life with him in the sense of the way things used to be...you know, when love meant not cheating, never lying to one another, and having the strength to hold on when things get a little rough. I'm gonna focus on my health and life choices for now and when the time comes, my chariot will be nice and warm and inviting and ready....until then, I'll drive myself around lol. Strength is beautiful so I have to remember to keep it even when my heart hurts or something bad happens to me or those around me.
- Kesha Flint
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