Sleepless nights/good nightmares?

9/8/10

You know I started my life thinking that my dreams were something beautiful and they consist of fairies and rainbows and very rarely clowns pulling teeth out of my sister's head (don't ask...it has something to do with my fear of clowns I'm sure). However, after plenty of good and bad dreams, I considered myself prepared for all that was to come when my eyes would close for the end of my exciting days and nights. NO ONE prepared me for what I like to call my most horrible experiences I've ever had as I sleep now.  In fact, they are so disturbing to me, that I haven't slept more than hour intervals, if that much, for the last 2 or 3 nights.  Yes...the "good nightmare". Scary thought. I'm not even having a nightmare. In fact, everything is normal as everyday life in my dreams...well...almost.

I am living life as I would normally. Planning things, meeting people, watching TV or whatever I may be doing...and all of a sudden, I look up and there he is. I spend the remainder of my dream trying to figure out what I had done so bad that would put me somewhere without MY man. Asking him what he's done with my man...where did he go? Did someone tell him an untrue story or is he mad at me? Is he safe? Where is he? Why am I doing dishes with this guy instead of my man? And tell me WHY does it have to be someone that I loved so dearly formally in my life? I know I DO NOT want to be with him (I love him and all, always will, but I KNOW our relationship was retarded and we are poison to one another) so... why is he STILL HAUNTING ME? Like the smell of burnt popcorn two days after you threw it out. WHY IS HE THERE? Why can't it be like, I don't know, Matt Damon or Depp? Seriously... hat is my subcontious thinking? It's driving me to sleepless nights. You know what makes it all okay? Waking up and seeing Andy next to me.

ON a questionable note: (Am I supposed to feel guilty that my ex is in my dream?) Cuz it creeps me out. I would rather be miserable with this man of mine then happy with someone who has broken my heart into so many pieces. Wow. Was that mean? I appologize that I just told the truth lol. NO SERIOUSLY he's a great person. We just don't work together that's all :) Back to my question...should I feel guilty that he was in my dream? I almost feel that way cuz I don't wanna tell my Baby why I'm so happy and relieved when I wake up and see him.

I need a sleeping pill or somethin. Maybe a conscience cleanse? Hmmm...the horrible thing is it makes me on edge and unfortunately my Babe is the one who has to deal with my moodiness. So...WRITE ME what ya think... :)